Saintly Devilman of the Lightning Empowerment
by DeliciousWaffles
Summary: What if it'd all been one big mistake? One misunderstanding on part of the supernatural world? What if he really was just an ordinary highschool student pulled into extraordinary circumstances? Find out, in this exciting new series from the individual whose written you nothing at all. A stellar story of one man on a mission to fulfill his dreams...of keeping on his wife's good side
1. Life 0

Welcome all, to my miserable attempt at writing shoddy literature! Join me on an adventure of a lifetime, full of comma overdose, italicization abuse, run-on sentences, and poorly devised plot points and character design! Oh I do hope you'll find it to your liking, whether it be because the stories so good it's good, or so bad it's good, or maybe just as a delightful reminder that you, the reader, are a better writer than I!

Now then in all seriousness, this fic is practice. With a mindset of 'if I can't make a fanfiction good, how can I possibly craft a novel capable of making me monies?' I've set out to try and for the love of me improve my poor quality of writing. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll reach a point where I can write children's stories for a quick buck.

So then, let the story begin...

**LIFE 0**

**Part 1**

"Please, Buchou."

In the dark recess of the abandoned church Raynare sat before her captors. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her eyes blood red. All around her were broken seats and shattered glass, with the walls a mix of being torn down and scorched or just outright destroyed. She could hear in the far distance, only thanks to her enhanced hearing, the roaring alarms of sirens. Something she was sure they could hear too.

She'd mis-calculated.

In a way, they'd all had. He did not have what they were looking for. He was a false lead. A decoy devised by the church to shift glances away from the real Longinus wielder. Raynare wasn't sure how they managed to do it given the properties and sheer capabilities of sacred gears. Wasn't sure how they managed to make it resonate like the Longinus itself but they did. And they all looked like fools for it.

If she wasn't such a broken wreck at the moment, she might have laughed at how this all started over a single trinket.

It started simple enough. She just thought it was a pretty accessory. A ruby locket adored with a few very small green gems crafted around an imprinted dragon on its front. Fakes, of course, no highschooler would have the real deal. He'd pull it out from time to time, when no one was looking, not even his very few friends, and crack it open. He had the goofiest of faces when he looked inside. So, given his response and the reports she'd received Raynare figured it was a portable means to carry a part of his porn stash; as something to help him 'get through the day'.

Still, Raynare wanted it. So during their date, while she was changing clothes for him, she'd asked if he could lend it to her. And when he hesitated, Raynare said it was so she could 'feel as special to him as that locket was for just the briefest of moments'. And he _ate it up._ After making her promise to take care of it, the boy said he'd lend it to her for the rest of the day. The moment he snapped it around her neck, the fallen angel understood everything.

He was nothing more than a ruse, a means to keep their attention _elsewhere._ The suddenly realization that hit Raynare was that all of this: from the scouting, to the observations, to this very date…had been a waste of time. _Her time._ And that aggravated her.

So when they stopped by the fountain at the end of their date, when he promised in the spur of the moment to protect her, Raynare couldn't help but savior his expression when she changed and ran him through with a spear of light. It wouldn't be till she had long since returned to base that she could finally stop shivering over his look of fear and betrayal.

But of course like a cockroach he'd managed to survive, reincarnated as a devil. A pawn, as it were, the lowest rank on the assorted demon ladder of peons; fitting for a weakling.

Raynare couldn't return empty-handed. Not when all she had to show for her mission was a newly made devil. She needed something _more_. Something that would catch her superiors attention, catch _his_ attention. So when she got the reports of a former holy-woman running around with sacred gear that could _heal anything_, well, needless to say Raynare was most eager to get her hands on it.

She'd meet him again, her previous target and toy for a day, freshly made fodder for the devils. It was pathetically easy to twist him around her finger, soak in his despairing looks as she played with him while taking away his newly made friend: ironically the nun she'd been after.

Battles raged and the landscape torn. Raynare turned it into a game. Her subordinates teased the devils leading the area with hit and run tactics. It was just as much a stress reliever as it was a means to keep them occupied. But they'd eventually found their location to her annoyance, and on the eve of their projections completion were on the verge of storming their base.

Sitting on her perch within the tower, above the screaming nun, she'd popped open his locket in piqued curiosity. What she found within the boy's precious locket was a picture of two children piggybacking. One was obviously him, the ridden and whipped. On top of him was a girl, smiling and squeezing his neck affectionately. It took Raynare a second glance, a double check, to confirm it was a girl.

And that was that. After single, solemn moment she placed one of her nails into the locket and idly scratched out the picture.

And after a long, frightful battle, she sat here. Abandoned by her subordinates, body broken and bruised, under the scrutiny of those who'd she'd deemed weaker than her.

"Issei-kun…"

"Please," his eyes flickered between herself and the raging demon queen he served. She'd been like a typhoon of power and vengeance, tearing through their defense wards and followers. With what Raynare assumed was a single-minded purpose of ending her servant's source of misery. "She doesn't need to die."

"Issei-kun," His mistress started, a stern voice rising through the torrent of anger that blasted its way through their fortress. "You know what she's doing. After everything that's happened, everything she's done to _you_, you can't let this charade stop what she's got coming!" The demon queen had a single pointed at Raynare, energy crackling at the tip. She could end her in a second. Not even that. Less than a second. But she didn't. She left the fallen angel there, on the cold floor, finger just inches away from Raynare.

If she moved, even the slightest of inch, Raynare would die. She understood this.

"I-I know," he replied, weakly, "I know." He looked at Raynare, cheeks stained and eyes red, "but she shouldn't have to die. Please…" One couldn't even call this an argument. Just a servant, _a slave_, begging its master to release their captive. It was pathetic. And she hated herself for having to depend on it.

"Issei-kun," The demon queen's finger started to crackle brighter, "I let the others go. I let those who stormed into my lands and hurt those under my protection, hurt my people, _my friends, leave_!" The energy at her tip, once merely wisps of power gathering at her point, had become a translucent ball of destruction. Raynare felt her body tense. "You can't just expect me to let her-"

"Do you know what it's like to die?"

The question pierced through the room's tension. The boy's mistress, stopped in her tracks, could only stare at him, shocked. The rest that'd come with them gave him their undivided attention. They knew this kind of question couldn't just be swept aside. Not with a reasonable, logical answer. There was nothing reasonable about this question. 'Do you know what it's like to die?' Could anyone in this room answer such a thing?

Anyone but him?

"Do you know what it's like to die?" He started, eyes welting with tears, "It hurts. It hurts like nothing I could really describe. It's painful, and lonely and…and _cold._" He glanced at every one of his companions, shifting from person to person. Raynare just stared at him quietly. "I don't remember much more than that, and I'm not sure if it's because I simply felt so little from my own death, or I just _don't want _to remember all of it, but," He finally laid eyes on his mistress, the fiery demon queen, that who held the fallen angel at her mercy. "I remember this much."

"I know she's done wrong. To me. To Asia. To lots of people we've never met before, and I know how angry you are, but, please Buchou, don't take her life. Because…"

"Because?" The mistress questioned her servant, her words just barely above a whisper, her will visibly faltering.

A single, gentle tear slid down his cheek, "Because no one should have to go through what I did, what me and Asia …did." His final words were choked. The boy was obviously trying to keep himself from breaking down right there. The demon queen stood there, silently watching her servant, finger still aimed at the target of her agitation and frustration. Raynare held her breath, the next few moments deciding whether she'd live or die.

With a single, long-suffering sigh the demon queen relented. "Fine," to the relief of the fallen angel, she lowered her finger, the energy at its tip dispersing into the air. For the first time in over a week, Raynare graced the pawn with a smile. He returned it with a tentative, strained one. This was what he wanted right? Just getting a pretty girl to smile at him? If she could keep it up, just a little bit more, she could be free. Then she'd be able to meet with the fallen angels again and-

"However," Raynare froze, "I'm not letting her go."

With a single, graceful motion the demon queen materialized something. It was a chess piece, a pawn specifically. "She'll work off her debt to us. Is this fine Issei-kun?" She asked as a formality. It was obvious what she intended to do, regardless of her servants reply. Raynare looked from the piece to Issei, silently pleading with her eyes.

She didn't want to be a devil.

Didn't want to lose everything she'd worked for.

Lose _him_.

"…Okay." He nodded to his queen, who swooped in on her with a smile not unlike that of a predator. She forcibly shoved the piece into Raynare's chest and in one, swift moment, Raynare felt her world shatter. Fear crept up to her face and her face twisted into one of horror. The demon queen was pleased with her reaction and lowered her mouth to whisper something that Raynare would never forget. "Issei-kun may have convinced me to let you live, but,"

"I'll make you wish I'd have killed you."

**Part 2**

_For you, I would even beat god!_

"You're just trash." The phoenix stood before the reincarnated devil, above the boy who'd trashed her. He lay on the ground; body scorched, and smoke rolling off of him. Had he been a mortal, the boy would be dead right now. He had nothing. No great power. No great skill or strength. Nothing. And he'd hoped to challenge someone greater than him?

Raynare sneered at Issei.

Sitting at the tallest peak she could manage, a part of the hall's upper levels, the former fallen angel was enjoying herself. Watching him beat down, torn, broken – loosing everything he cared about in one fail swoop to a man deemed _better_. She was for all intents and purposes _in ecstasy_.

"I-I'm not," The boy pulled himself to his feet, on struggling legs and shaky balance. The Phoenix just looked away from him.

"Go home kid." He dismissed the boy, just like that. Someone who could not even scratch the great birds of flame was of not interest to him. He heaved a sigh, and turned away from the boy. "Honestly, you're an embarrassment to Rais."

Raynare could see it: the gossip between higher devils, the looks of despair from his comrades, the look of disappointment from those who believed in him. The demon queen – Rias – had tried to run out to her servant but an elder man stopped her and shook his head. Family perhaps? Raynare didn't know. But she could tell, out of anyone there…

He looked the most disappointed of all.

"Hey, Phoenix!" The boy called out with just a little more energy than expected. A slab of debris collided with the back of phoenix's head. It didn't hurt him, a greater devil of power but it did get his attention.

"You just don't know when to give up. You've already los-"

And the great bird, Raiser Phoenix, lord of flames and heir to one of the greatest families in hell, turned back in time to have two vials smashed into his face.

"_Burn._"

The demon bird screamed, arching his back and letting out a howl of agony. She could see it. _Steam_. Steam was rolling off the bird of fire. Screams rose from the halls. The devils were in an uproar over what the boy had done. While the hosts of this event tried to settle down their guests, Raynare stared in shock.

_Holy water_

How did he get _holy water_?

No, more importantly. How was he managing to hold it? All devils, pure and reincarnated, couldn't handle being around holy items. Let alone _holding them_. How was he-no, he didn't…he didn't…!

He didn't let himself get burned just so he'd be too numb to feel the pain!?

Issei kept the momentum, bringing out vial after vial of holy water and smashing them against Raiser's form. A smash across the face, over his head, into his abs; it was a never ending assault of holy-powered attacks, of flying sacred water and blessed glass. With each hit the holy water not only splashed on the phoenix, but on Issei as well. Steam poured off both of them, accumulating into something resembling a sauna as burnt flesh and scorched myths collided.

"Let this be!" Issei smashed yet another vial into the man, "A lesson to you!" And another, "And to all the men who'd come after you!" And another! "No other man in this world can have her! I won't accept it!" The boy brought two more vials down on the fire bird, simultaneously smashing them against Raiser "_I'll protect that smile!_" And with a single, mighty roar he yelled,

"_BUCHOU'S VIRGINITY BELONGS TO MMMEEEEE!"_

…Was he an idiot?

But Raiser gained his second wind. Wiping as much of the sacred water from his blistering face as he could managed, the fire bird's temperature increased. Fire gathered into his hand, a firestorm of bristling heat and imminent death fast approaching. Issei stuck out his hand, open palmed, and revealed to all what he was holding.

It was a cross.

Raiser nearly relented at the sight of it, but pushed on. A blazing trail of flames gathered behind him, focused into a single fist, preparing for what he assumed, what they all assumed, would be the finishing blow.

Issei yanked out three vials in that very same hand, holding them up above him. With a single clinch he shattered them above himself. Holy water and blessed glass fell atop of him. The pain he felt must have been ten times that of Raiser. It was one thing to get hit with holy attacks; it was another to be _completely_ _drenched in holy water_. The cross glistened with a mix of sacred water and blood. She could feel it from here, though, the fruits of his suffering. The crosses power had been amplified by the holy water, made it stronger. Made _him_ stronger. Pulling his hand down, Issei reared it back and ran towards Raiser.

"You little shit!" Raiser moved the behemoth sphere of fiery destruction, his final shot against that which he had finally perceived as a threat, to meet Issei head on. Issei extended his fist, white smoke shooting through the cracks between his fingers, and pushed it with all his might.

"_Raaaaaiiiiisssseeeeeerrrrr!_"

"_Braaaat!_"

And as one, their fists collided with each other's faces. The force of power sending a shockwave through the hall, blowing away anything that wasn't fastened down. Flames filled the room, burning through anything it could touch. Raynare pulled back from her perch, now fearful of for her life.

Floating in the air above the battle, as the devils started to work on the fire's before they could get out of control, she could see the decisive end to the fight.

One had fallen, and standing over his nigh-comatose body was its victory, shadowed by the intense inferno flickering around them. The boy gave a tired grin, smoke still streaming off him, and looked at his the hand. It was stuck with bloody pieces of glass and an embedded cross.

"I-I did it, Buchou…" Then his strength finally gave, and the boy fell to his knee. He did not collapse to the floor, not like his opponent. No, he kneeled, hands dropped to his side, head lowered. Raynare wasn't sure how he managed it but the boy-no, _Issei_- had managed to faint on his feet. As the demons ran towards him, as the demon girl fussed over his unconscious form, as the others gathered to carry him and his opponent out of the hall, Raynare choose to keep her distance.

"Hmph." She mumbled to her-self, eyes never leaving him, "Maybe he's not so weak after all…"

**Part 3**

Sirzechs was at a loss.

He'd come down to the medical ward for many reasons. Chief amongst them was checking on Issei Hyodo, the man he'd sent to fight in his stead. Sirzechs wanted more than anything to prevent his sister from marrying Raiser, but demon politics were a fickle thing. Backroom deals were the norm, and 'breeding rights', as it was unofficially known amongst pure devils, was the highest bargaining chip. The pure demons were a dying race as far as the elders were concerned, and worry of reincarnated devils taking their place in the future was an ever present paranoia for them.

But that didn't mean he wanted to see his sister handed off to a man like phoenix. As…decent …as a guy he was most of the time, at least to pure devils, he wasn't exactly prime husband material. Rias meant more to him than the elder's fear, and if there was anyway to keep her out of the hands of some of the more eccentric devil men, then he'd do it.

Even if it meant bringing an innocent into the in-fighting

Sirzechs frowned. He hadn't placed as much faith into the young man as he thought he did, doubting him when nearly fell during the battle. It was to be expected; telling him to fight for Rias was a split second decision, quickly sending off his wife to prep him for fighting. At the time, Issei was already suffering from his wounds from the previous battles. He was weaker than normal. And if one couldn't expect him to succeed at his best, what hope did someone have in him when he could barely stand?

Yet he was Sirzechs only hope. A freshly made devil barely held together with healing magic that the demon lord sent out to potential death. If a duel was requested, the victor by rite held the losers life in their hands. It wasn't usually done, just as much out of politics as simple politeness to not simply snuff out another's life. Not in this time were every devil counted. But Issei was nothing special, a simple reincarnated devil, lacking any assortment of spectacular powers or abilities. While the others of his group at least held sacred gears or mixed blood, he had nothing. _Was nothing _but a pawn.

And by the devils definition, that meant he was easily replaced. If Raiser had ended him only his sister would cry, and maybe his comrades if they felt anything for him.

But that didn't make Sirzechs feel any less terrible.

So when he rose to his feet, when he struck Raiser in the face, when the powers of mythical devil and ordinary boy met, and the bird of flames _fell_…Sirzechs couldn't keep his face from splitting into the biggest shit eating grin his wife had ever seen. Not since their son had been born, anyway. And it was at that moment Sirzechs swore to himself, to his sister's champion, that the demon lord's dept to him _would _be repaid.

But there was a more pressing matter. Such reckless fighting, even if it had won him the day, came at a price. Devils weren't meant to handle holy items, the very thing that was the bane of their existence. Not without extensive rituals. Even worse, he was a newly reincarnated devil, fragile like a newborn; a newborn that'd essentially thrown itself into a boiling pot of water. It was a miracle that his body was even holding together. Probably because the moment his sister and friends reached Issei, Rias dumped an entire bottle of phoenix tears right on top of the boy.

But it wouldn't last. And unlike the Phoenix, whose great powers of resurrection, something that made their tears great regenerative powers pale in comparison, would allow him to make it through this. Issei had no such talent. Common healing magic wouldn't be able to pierce the deep seated _holy taint_ that'd infected his system. His sister, to her luck, had been blessed with a sacred gear wielder who could heal others. Heal anything. Yet even with such a phenomenal chance, Issei still held a high risk of his body collapsing on it-self. Not to mention that the Gremory had only so many tears in storage to spare, and had to make a choice. Could they spare such a thing on something that was potentially a lost cause? Even the family of kindness had to measure its resources with a calculative mind.

…Which hadn't stopped his parents from sending Issei the tears they kept on their persons. They wanted their little champion to make it just as badly as he did.

And of course, the majority of the Phoenix's were at the moment holding a rather large grudge against the man who'd just humiliated their heir. Even Raisers father and mother, friends of the family, couldn't help him, couldn't help the man who'd just thrashed their son in front of dozens of devil royalty.

It'd look bad for their image, you know?

So when he'd asked his friends to discuss something important with the demon lord. When he just barely crawled out of bed and lowered himself to his knees, forehead to the floor. When he begged the lord of demons to show him a way to become stronger for Rias's sake…Sirzechs just barely held himself together.

"Please," Issei repeated quietly, tears flowing freely. It was apparent to everyone that his victory was a total fluke. Phoenix got cocky, and only acknowledged Issei as a real opponent in the battles final moments. His arrogance had cost him the win. That sort of thing wasn't likely to happen again.

"Issei-kun..." Sirzechs had long abandoned his seat to try and help the boy back into bed. He'd refused to move. "You can't do anything while your injured, Issei-kun. Please return to your bed." Issei held steadfast, refusing to budge an inch. Sirzechs dare not force him, least it harm the already weak man. But he had to do something. Anything to get him to rest.

Sirzechs gritted his teeth. There had been many reasons why he stepped down into the medical ward. To check on Issei was the biggest, yes, but he had another reason. It was a means to protect their boy from that which he inflicted on himself. Gently, he placed his hands on Issei's shoulders, hoping to get his attention.

When the boy looked up, Sirzechs offered as best a smile as he could muster. It was strained but warm. "What if I said…there was a way?" Issei's eyes lit up, "There is a ritual that could help you, Issei-kun. Help you through all of this. It's not something that can be done half-heartedly, or stopped once started. You could even die, Issei-kun…but would you still do it?" The boy nodded, eagerly, innocently, ignorantly of where this path led.

Sirzechs felt his smiled stiffen and grip tighten. "Issei-kun, to go through with this…what if I said it'd be one of the most painful things you'd ever experience in your life; if you even lived through it? Would you still do it?"

"I died once." Despite the situation, Sirzechs felt himself crack a grin.

"When we're through with this, you'll have wished you stayed dead." It wasn't a joke. It would be painful. It would make him wish he was a dead man. But it had to be done. It was a means of giving him a higher chance of survival.

After all, if they could make him _immune_ to the holy taint in his body, there'd be nothing keeping him from being healed right?

Still, he was sure he could get something more out of this. He was technically on a roll so why stop here? So when another idea crept up on him and he felt his grin split open for the second time that day, Sirzechs continued. "Of course, we can't do such a thing for free…"

**Part 4**

A devil needn't fear holy items.

They were, of course, naturally the bane of their existence. Holy items were the tools of God, and the weapons of man. In times past when their kind haunted the world of humans, past the worlds dimensional crust, and did war with the allies of light; holy weapons were the greatest powers against them. Angels wielding their spears of divine wraith and the humans with their brilliant holy swords, a combined force of reckoning that forced many demons back to the realm of darkness. So when such a pressing weakness had prevented so many of his kind from completing their goals they had decided enough was enough.

It took time to devise a means to deal with the existence of holy powers. Experiments held back in a time when devils were plentiful and the humans were mucking around in the earth. Many test subjects died – a necessary sacrifice for the greater evil- and corpses littered the primordial wastes of the Underworld. But with time, and shortening of the devil population by a grand nine percent, a means of dealing with the holy power of the angels was created.

A ritual made with the sole purpose of immunizing a devils body against the affects of holy magic. For many devils the only time they dealt with holy powers was on the battlefield, where they either died near instantly from being struck by the powers of light or managed to scrape by with barely a scratch. It was this lack of contact that made them _weak_ to holy powers, as it had been found. And the devil's body was not as weak as even they, the demons themselves, had thought. With the right amount of applied holy power, a devil's body could adapt, improve, _resist_ that which had once been its greatest threat.

It was a simple enough task, if a tad expensive. The devil had only needed to be in contact with holy items, all day, every day, for several months. It started out small, maybe wearing a cross or a bracelet and as time went on more and more blessed powers were applied to the devil. Accumulating into a full of bath in a vault of holy water in the last month. It was simple. It was effective. It was _insane_. Who'd ever think to apply a literal 'beat fire with fire' strategy? And they'd lost over a single percent in the ensuing applications of this ritual. Demons families nearly destroyed as their heirs and older members participated in what's become known as the Great Purge. Of all those who attempted, only a tiny fraction lived through the process.

This ritual had come to be known as 'The Enlightenment', as a joke among the bitter populace.

Leaning against the wall outside of the cleansing room, Sirzechs stood beside the little girl he'd become acquainted with over the past month; golden haired and bright eyed. When the ritual began and the screaming started, she'd tried her best to hold the tears in. She knew what had to be done, as explained by Sirzechs, if they ever wanted Issei to ever be more than a crippled demon that could barely hop out of bed. Her healing powers were vital to keeping the boy stable; especially with how rushed they were going with this. Sirzechs couldn't risk a three month wait with Issei. Not in his condition. So they were doing it in a third of the time.

That didn't keep it from hurting any less for her, he'd imagine. Sirzechs had heard of how the two came to meet, and how close they were…but it had to be done. And she was Issei's best bet.

So for the past month they drowned him in holy power, short bursts at first, see if his system could tolerate that much. For the first two weeks there was screaming, understandably so. But he preserved…no, that's wrong. Sirzechs glanced down at the little girl- at Asia- and knew they both preserved. After that, Issei had been reduced to a near-comatose state; eye's staring blankly and mumbling the occasional 'Rias'. Better than being dead, the demon lord would remind himself frequently, and press on. And now…

Tonight was the night.

Sirzechs knew how these sorts of things would play out. He was old enough to realize what'd happen. When he told his sister that he'd be whisking Issei off for 'intensive training', not exactly a lie, Rias had been furious. A fair enough reaction, given Issei's wounds but when Sirzechs managed to get both their parents, and Issei himself, to ask her for this she'd grudgingly let him go. He'd signed the papers, had Issei's daily life affairs taken care of and set out to accomplish his goal.

But Rias was a smart girl. She'd eventually figure out what had really happened. She'd check for the most subtle of clues. Some of them Sirzechs was unaware off, some of them he did and some the demon lord placed himself. He was trying to mislead her just as much as he was trying to help her, provide a mix signal to his sister – who knew he'd do such a thing. It was a guessing game, what was real and what was not, what she could trust, who she could trust. Deceit was a devil's game, and the two of them could play it like a fiddle.

However, he was the better player. They both knew that. His sister, flooded with evidence, clues, hints, fake and true, and her mind overloaded with 'what ifs', 'possibilities', 'uncertainties', she'd stalled. That was what he needed. So when Rias had finally given up on a subtle investigation, when the Crimson Tempest, Daughter of Extinction, tore her way through their family's lands in a brilliant display of violence to get back what was _hers_, it'd been too late.

Sirzechs's had won.

The giant iron doors were blasted off their hinges, skidding across the floor and coming to a stop just at the bottom of the staircase. In marched his pride and joy, fiery hair trailing behind her. One after another her friends walked in, weapons out, ready for a fight. It was beautiful, what comrades would do for one another.

Asia had moved to greet them, plead with them that this was the right choice but Sirzechs stopped her with one of his arms. He had a better plan. With a smile he stepped down the staircase, arms open wide.

"Welcome, Ria-ta-"

"Issei-kun."

"In a bit, but Ri-"

"Issei-kun."

"As I was sa-"

"_Is-sei-kun._" She grounded out.

Sirzechs sniffled and turned away from his sister. "Honestly, Ria-tan! Let me finish my villainous speech! We can't do this properly if you keep interrupting me!" A blink of energy flashed between her eyes, and her hair started to twist wildly. Seems his little sister wasn't in the mood for games.

Sighing, Sirzechs reached into his coat and pulled out a pair of impeccable glasses and slid them onto his face. "Very well, lets move on to the main event." Taking out a set of documents, Sirzechs started flipping through the papers. His sister hadn't waited for his reply and was moving up the staircase step by step. It was a show, honestly. Rias knew she couldn't take him in a real fight. But she also knew that Sirzechs was weak to his 'little princess'. If she pushed hard enough, he'd falter and Rias would get her way. That was an irrefutable fact. Not that she _usually_ resorted to such a tactic. But still…

Honestly. Sometimes he was as bad as Levi-tan was with her sister.

He waited till she was just a few steps away from him, not heading for the demon lord but for the doors behind him. She wasn't planning on paying him any mind from this point on, not unless he got in the way. Good. That'd make her reaction all the sweeter.

"I, Issei Hyodo _Gremory_, do solemnly swear to love Rias _Hyodo_ Gremory, to be true to you in the good and the bad times, in sickness and health, to blah blah blah." He grinned at his little sister, frozen mid-step, cheeks tinted with an adorable crimson.

"T-that's-"

"Aren't they lovely? Mother found them in religious book by the humans. I was sure you'd be familiar with them!" Sirzechs smacked the back of his hand against the papers. His expression darkened, "I-I never thought I'd see the day come, no, _never _wanted it to come. I thought you'd be mine forever, Ria-tan but it seems time that Onii-chan has to let his precious little sister leave the nest."

"Wh-wh-wh-what are you talking about!?" She was finally regaining her footing. Good. Now he could knock her down again.

Sirzechs gave her the biggest, brightest smile he could manage. He didn't smile like this often, not unless he had done _something_. Rias steadied herself.

"Congratulation's on getting married, Ria-tan~!" Silence filled the room, both from Sirzechs waiting for his sister's reaction, his sisters and friends utter confusion and…"Oi! Asia-chan!" Sirzechs turned back to look at Asia, still at the top of the stairs. "This is the part where you do 'that'!"

"H-h-hiiii!" Flinching at being suddenly called out, Asia frantically searched her person for the tool in question. Pulling out a noise maker, Asia blew as hard as she could into the party favor. Like a signal that'd be set off, a part of the ceiling opened. Balloons and confetti fell upon them, with a single sign with the words 'CONGRATULATIONS' rolling down above them.

Rias stared at him dumbfounded until a single balloon had landed on her head, shaking it off and leaning forward. "Onii-chan! Explain yourself!" She commanded, stomping her foot and balling her fists. Gone was the righteous fury of the lover seeking her man, replaced with the rage of little sister who'd just realized she'd been _tricked_.

"Why should I have to explain myself? You should know. You've already signed the papers, after all." Before his sister could voice her complaint, Sirzechs pushed the papers into her face. "See?"

Rias instinctively reached into her pocket and pulled out a near identical pair of impeccable glasses and slid them on. She skimmed the paper work, over the technicalities and written vows, and came to a stop at the end. "…This is my signature."

"I rest my case." He tried not to look too smug.

Rias squinted at the doted line. "But how? I never-"

"I am a man of many talents!" He said, as if that answered everything, before handing the papers off to Rias. "This is your copy." His little sister continued to look through the papers, scanning over each and every word for the slightest mistake. Legal matters were serious business in the devil world, and just one typo could lead to…difficulties. "Mother and Father have Issei-kun's copy at the moment, along with theirs and the original stored in their castle."

Rias continued to flip page after page of the paper work, lost in her own little world. She really needed to stop doing that.

"…Along with the paperwork for Issei-kun's _mistresses_."

For the second time that evening Rias froze, finger stuck in the packet of papers and her eyes just hazing over. "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-"she went off like a broken record, finding herself incapable of even finishing the word let alone ask Sirzechs what he meant.

"Of course! You didn't think Asia-chan was going to help for free, did you?" He looked back at Asia, who was herself now a lovely shade of red. "Right, Asia-chan?"

"I-I-I-I-III," Her hands swiftly moved to her face, concealing her embarrassment. "I-I Didn't, th-that is-"

"Ara ara, Asia-chan." His sisters second in command, Akeno, the priestess of thunder, cut into the conversation. "So you're my senpai?"

There was but a brief moment of silence, the calm before the storm.

"Se-se-se-senp-p-pai?!" Then it suddenly clicked for the red head. Rias turned away from her brother and pointed an accusing finger at her friend. "You knew!?"

"Of course," She said, placing a single hand on her own cheek, "The paperwork's been out for nearly two weeks." While his little sister stared at Akeno dumbfounded, Sirzechs sent the priestess a thumb up.

"Congrats, Akeno-chan! I mean it! The office said your filing of the paperwork had been the fastest they'd even seen! You set a new record!" There weren't many people who could fill out an entire stack of paper work and force it through the bureaucratic process in _five minutes_.

"Naturally," Akeno gave a very pleased smile "There isn't a woman alive who knows my Issei-kun better than me~ Fufufu~"

Rias crumbled the papers in her hands, " 'my Issei-kun' " She echoed, fires swirling behind her. Akeno, either unnoticing her masters annoyance or simply uncaring, turned to Asia and winked.

"I know it's going to be a vicious battle between us over the position of number one mistress Asia-chan", she said matter-of-fact, "But lets do our best to please Master too, alright~?"

"Y-yes!" Asia bowed. "Please take care of me!" To which Akeno merely laughed. Sirzechs looked down at his sister. Rias was _boiling_, sparks coming off and eyes glinting with the promise of pain.

One flash of light later, and Rias's fury was pointed towards him. "What? I just wanted to take a picture for mother and father. You really are quite lovely when mad, Ria-tan~"

"Sirzechs-sama," Kiba stepped forward, sensing his master's oncoming wraith and moving to stop it. "Might we see Issei-kun now?" And like that, Rias's anger was gone, replaced with curious anxiety over her love-husbands condition.

"Right, of course. Asia-chan, if you would…?" Asia turned towards the doors and with a single tap, the doors creaked open. Blasting past Sirzechs, Rias made a be-line for the entrance granted to her. Her friends were on her heels, Asia included and Sirzechs wasn't far behind.

It wasn't a grand room of white or marble, steel or glass. Just a room. A single, casual room with that possessed only a bed on one side and a vault, which usually held a man's worth of holy water. The process had been cheaper than expected given Asia's ability to produce holy water but it was still rather costly.

Rias led the charge in, first to his bedside and babbled nonsense. She didn't pay much attention to his now silvery hair – a side affect from the constant exposure. It'd change back, in time, his sister probably knew. Right now what was more important was Issei's condition.

He shifted in his sleep, mostly undisturbed by the sudden rush of footsteps and individuals invading his sanctuary. They others didn't try to stir him from his slumber, content to just admire the man who'd fought so hard for his master. Sirzechs caught the eyes of Asia, still unsure. He smiled, as if to show that everything would be alright.

After all, they'd succeeded in their conquest.

The creation

Of a Devil's Saint

**LIFE 0**

Of course this is nothing more than a prologue, a way of drawling in potential readers and checking opinions on what little I have to offer. I do hope you all enjoyed this, and are willing to provide me constructive criticism on how I may improve my writing.

I'd also like to take a moment to state that, yes, I do know there are errors throughout the story. Not just in grammar and spelling but also potential errors in canon backstory. Not that I'd removed Issei's sacred gear, or kept Raynare, or gave him a replacement source of power to keep him able; but in things unrelated to it. So if anyone would care to let me know I'd appreciate it.

Another quick note; yes, I did skip over the first two arcs for a reason. I didn't want to get caught up in several chapters worth of starter arcs. It'd be, well, boring for me to write, and could have potentially worn me out before we even got to the good stuff planned.

With that said, till next time fic reader~


	2. Life 1

I have a firm belief that "If I can't make fun of myself, then what can I make fun of?" So I have a fondness for self-depreciating humor.

Sooooooo this chapter is mostly 'Issei training montage' chapter, or rather just shows what our demon boy wonder has been doing since he woke up. Which can basically be summed up as 'getting the ever loving shit kicked out of him' while explaining a few things. No pain, no gain, no ultimate powar amirite?

Annnddd, as one reviewer pointed out Issei would be effectively useless for a majority of the fights in the series. I'm quite happy they did this, actually, as I was able to incorporate answers to the question within this chapter. Props to them.

To another reviewer, yes. Issei was just a single piece when they got him. He was normal before he got a kick in the nuts with MAGICAL HOLY POWER. Now he's abnormal even by Devil standards.

I'm also dicking around with the Devil's ranking system, as in 'everyone gets a boost for my shenanigans fic'. Because it's not fun if only Issei gets a power boost (through whatever means). Also because I think Japanese ranking for things like this is amusing and I simply want to toy around with it.

And one last thing that I forgot in the last chapter.

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Anyone who says I own anything is lying through their teeth and you should smack them with a rolled up newspaper.**

So then, let the story begin...

**LIFE 1**

**PART 1**

When Issei became a Devil's Saint, everything changed.

Becoming a Devil's Saint, while technically possible for any resident of the Underworld, was still an incredibly rare feat to accomplish. The sheer amount of insanity one would have to possess to consider this ritual an option, knowing full well of the agony it'd cause them, and _succeeding anyway_ would forever label them one of the Underworld's 'Greatest Idiots'. So Great, that they went straight from idiocy into brilliance than full circle _back into idiocy_. They were a walking legend, a reminder of what a Devil could be, and of by all intents and purposes in the realm of evils was a lesser being.

Of course, the reality behind the romanticism of Devil's Saints was an entirely different matter. For all the hurrah over holy immunity, no one was truly impressed by a reincarnated devil accomplishing it. Compared to a pure devil, reincarnated devil's got off easy with the ritual. If a reincarnated devil felt like a human being dropped into a vat of boiling water for several months on end, a pure devil felt like a human being dropped into a vat of_ boiling liquefied metal_. The difference in pain was significant enough to pay an ascended reincarnated devil no mind outside of the occasional politeness required for meeting with one of the Saint's station.

Funny how the ritual they'd worked so hard to complete had become a greater tool to the devil's pawns, than the demon's them-selves.

The court proceeding was simple enough. They gathered some of the elders, those willing to appear out of duty to observe a lord's toy being raised in status. 'Marriage to the Gremory', one whispered to the other while eyeing Issei on the stand. 'The family of kindness wants that holy power pretty badly, huh?'The other devil would turn to his friend and answer, 'Wouldn't you marry off your daughter if you thought her children could have holy destruction?' To which the previous devil would grumble about game breakers and unfair genetics.

It was true that the power of destruction was dangerous, an obliteration of existence, and those who acquired it were given the title of 'Extinction', or a variation of such. As her mother before her, _Brunette Madame the Extinct_, Rias Hyodo Germory, as she was now called, had been given her own title _Daughter of Extinction_. Her brother, _Extinction's Providence_, said to be the greatest destruction user in devil's history, was proof of her potential; or rather, her _genes_ potential.

A great deal of Devil's had been curious of what the combination of Gremory and Pheonix would be like, the power of destruction and immortality placed into a single being. One might even say eager to witness such a brand of super devil brought into existence. So when a shabby fake devil had put a stop to it, many were found _displeased_ with what had happened. A few had even petitioned the family to continue with the marriage anyway, or at least have their daughter bare one of the Phoenix's children.

That nonsense had been put to rest when the Madame herself stepped out of the castle and politely told everyone to _quit their bitching_. And like that, the cowards had scurried off as fast as demon-ly possible, back to safety of their shadows to continue their scheming.

As said, the proceedings had been relatively simple. They needed to only confirm his immunity. Test it in front of trusted witnesses. But while it might have been 'simple', nothing with devils was ever easy. So when Issei reached for the cross that'd been carried in a titanium box covered in dark seals and placed before him, the head Countess hit a lever and sent the boy down into a vat of holy water. If he lived, he was a devil saint. If he died, they got to see a fake devil _melt_. It was a win-win.

It took him a minute, to adjust to the sudden drop he'd experienced but Issei had eventually found the ladder provided and climbed out of the vault filled with divine power. This was the undeniable proof they needed, and while Issei stood there shivering and glaring at the court, the Countess clapped. As one the people of the court followed suit, most giving a half-hearted tap of the hand. It was court procedure to applaud the rising of a Devil's Saint; but that didn't mean they had to be enthusiastic over it.

"This court acknowledges Issei Hyodo Gremory as a Devil's Saint." The countess leaned back and crossed her legs. "Congratulations, _Lord_ _Gremory_." And that was that.

Then, within the span of two months since his initiation into demon-hood, Issei was raised from low-devil rank to the highest rank, Ultimate-class, the greatest accomplishment for a Devil. Though if one were to look close enough on the paperwork regarding this suddenly elevation of class, they might just spot the label 'fake' before the Ultimate-class title…

Honestly, if he hadn't been a member of the Gremory house _himself_, they might have tried to cheat Issei out of the Saint's legal rank. Maybe that was why Sirzechs had him sign the certificate before tossing him into divine generated misery?

"Have at you, Issei-dono!" Said the _griffin headed demon butler _before slamming his fist where Issei had just been seconds ago. The ground cratered, cracks shooting along its shattered form. Issei's brow twitched at the sight of such destruction.

He was really starting to miss his training with Rias.

He'd been 'put through the paces' as it were, since the day he was officially declared a Saint. It was said to be one of the ultimate goals of Devils, to become immune to that which was their absolute bane. It was a sign of power, or so they say. What it really was, was a sign of endurance and a willingness to do something crazy. Self-inflicted torture for a new branch of powers wasn't for the reasonably sensible, he'd been told. Not that Issei had much of a choice at the time.

But regardless, he was expected to have the kind of power people assumed Ultimate-class devils had, so his newly found brother-in-law had set him up a program. The 'work-Issei-till-his-whole-life-is-about-ultimate- power-even-if-it-causes-him-to-meet-a-gruesome-dea th'! And it nearly had. Repeatedly.

The schedule was simple in theory. In the mornings he had physical training, in the morning to afternoon he had demon power instruction courses, in the afternoon more physical training, afternoon to evening demon power application, evening rounding off with 'ultra-extreme-supreme physical testing'.

When night came around, he spent it meditating, and by meditating Issei would mean wishfully thinking of his wife's perfect body, further practicing demon powers under someone's instruction, or every few days getting to enjoy a few blissful hours of sleep. It'd been four days since he last visited the ever evasive land of dreams and two since he tasted anything more than a pile of dirt. Such luxuries as daily meals and sleep were for Ultimate-class powered, they'd told him.

To Issei's surprise, his body had adapted pretty well to the new found schedule. Sirzechs, ever helpful, explained that his 'ascension' to Saint's body had increased his body's endurance to absurd levels, even by devil's standards. Apparently being _near melted_ for a full month had given his body amazing tolerance.

Being a Devil was weird.

Admittedly, this kind of training plan was only possible _because_ he was a Saint…and because they had Asia, barer of the Twilight Healing. The ability to patch Issei up from nearly any form of injury had allowed Sirzechs a wide berth of opportunity that he was most eager to act on. The Saint was being nearly killed daily. And it worked; having the ever loving shit kicked out of him was making him _stronger_.

Issei stopped just under the punch of his opponent "D-does that make me a Sayjin?" He asked just in time to take a knee to the face.

There wasn't much they could do with him on such short notice, Sirzechs had explained to him. Martial techniques and skill were something developed over time, which was something he was gravely lacking. So they worked on his raw potential; physical might and magical reserves. A strong enough force could knock away any opposition. The greatest dragon, 'Big Red', was proof of that. But he was a mind-boggling ancient dragon of conceptual realities and Issei was a formerly ordinary high school student turned super demon. _Kind_ of a difference in strength there.

Twisting under the assault of the bird man he'd been sparring with for the last few hours, Issei spun into an elbow strike to the griffins gut. Blocking the attempted kneeing, his fist homed in on his opponent's face. The griffin butler caught it with a single, impeccable glove hand. While the Saint had been worn ragged from the hourly battle, his opponent's dress suit was still crisp and clean.

The feathery man twitched his beak up into a smile. "Marvelous form, Issei-dono." And then he sent Issei flying with a solid kick to the chest.

Thus continued the morning beating of Issei Hyodo Gremory.

**Part 2**

"Pay attention!" Issei once more found himself scolded.

Sitting in a desk within the Gremory castle's courtyard, Issei was being tutored on the conceptual potential of demons powers; by his wife no less. It didn't feel real, though, being married to Rias. Kinda like they'd skipped all the important parts of the marrying process: the confessions, the dating, the kissing, the se-

"_Hyodo-san_," Rias stressed, wanting his focus. She was standing in front of a blackboard, teaching pointer in hand. Framing her face were a lovely pair of glasses, which she wore whenever she was serious about explaining something. Sporting a blouse and flowing skirt, topped with her hair pulled into a no-nonsense pony tail, the Crimson Tempest was entirely into her role as a strict instructor.

"As _I was saying_." Rias tapped the board with her pointer. "A Devil's power comes from their imagination. Firestorms, hurricanes, black holes, even the powers of destruction, 'The Great King', were once nothing more than simply 'a devil's perceived special laser'." She moved her pointer down the board, "Of course, over time it'd gained a conceptual connection to the Bael family through the observations of those around them. The thought process of "Bael+Demon powers=Lasers", or alternatively reasoning, such as "Demon powers+Lasers=Bael" had led to the family gaining their infamous power of destruction and it becoming an inheritable trait passed down the line."

Rias adjusted her fake glasses. "Of course, right now the Bael family is in a crisis over their heir's lack of inherited destruction power but that's another matter entirely." Shifting the pointer on the board, she landed on the bottom. "While lasers are, in theory, nothing special as any demon with enough focus could craft their own energy skills, the recognition that the 'powers of destruction' are the strongest _kind _of laser abilities has led to them retaining their immense capacity despite the best efforts of other Devils."

Issei, cheek palmed and elbow resting on his desk, was admiring the way Rias's form fitting clothing shifted whenever she moved her tool across the board. Or just moved at all.

"So one must be thinking, 'if imagination and perception are so great, why don't the devils just make something that can slay god'?" Rias slapped her pointer against the board, startling Issei. "Because they can't!" She reached over to the side of the black board and flipped it over. What had once been simple mathematical concepts and written notes had turned into a giant 'X' over what looked like a rather crude drawling of a demon firing lasers at a god.

"A demons skill is more than just imagination and what those around them perceive it as!" She smacked the board again for emphasis. Or maybe to just get him to stop eyeing her. Issei wasn't sure.

"A demon must also rely on their personal magical stores." She moved her pointer to a section in the far corner. "All a Devil's non-physical power is fueled through their inner spirit, their essence. This internal source of energy allows a Devil to accomplish amazing feats. Willing environmental alterations, condensing energy into a modifiable form, changing their physical appearance – it all depends on the Devils inner capacity to 'do the impossible', as it were."

"Usually it'd be near impossible for a modern day Devil to craft abilities on par with one of the household powers. New Devil's are considered too un-creative and under-powered to formally craft such a skill…Which is more the bias of the Elder demons to younger generations if anything." Rias pointed her teachers prop at him, "However, you Hyodo-san, as a Devil's Saint, have gained access to variety of powers from which to mold your potential."

Rias flipped the board again, revealing another drawling, this one being of a humanoid with an aura surrounding its shape. Wait, when did she-

"A Devil's Saint," she started, once more hitting the board with her pointer, "are those blessed with 'the gift of divines'. It's something that all Devils are capable of acquiring but few actually achieve. It immunizes the Demon body against it's greatest threat, provides the user with exceptional endurance and grants them the capability of learning skills usually inaccessible to those of the evil alignment."

"One of these skills is the power of light; the tool of the Gods to protect humanity from the Devil's manipulations." Rias flipped the black board yet again, and this time it had several drawings on it. An angel, fallen angel, dragon, god, human and devil were all on the board with all but the devil crossed out. There was an 'Okay!' and an arrow pointing at the devil. "While you might have gained the power to wield light itself, it's mostly _useless _against anyone not a Devil. Most of our potential enemies are either outright immune or aligned with the power of light. This makes holy powers against them little, if at all, effective."

She moved the prop up to the dragon, then to the God. "However, contrary to popular belief, not all Dragons or Gods can naturally block holy powers. Some of these are Evil aligned, usually mythical tricksters or world enders. On the other hand, sometimes an Evil aligned God or Dragon is immune to holy for one reason or another. It's not entirely impossible so you have to take it on a case by case basis."

"Still, you shouldn't get into the habit of relying solely on Holy warfare to handle your battles." Flipping the board once more, this time back to the drawling of the humanoid with an aura; to which multiple notes and smaller drawings had been added on to it. How is she_ doing that?_ "That is the purpose of this class, to familiarize yourself with your other potential sources of power," Rias narrowed her eyes, "and to make you aware of the danger you cause to those around you."

Issei blinked, "Eh?"

Rias pointed at some of the smaller drawings on the board. "Besides the inherent immunity and great endurance gained through the ritual, the user also acquires the ability to use holy powers with little thought and at a reduced cost of energy. Because it's become a natural part of the Devil's body, almost akin to breathing." She moved it along the drawings, which Issei had only just realized were made in conjunction with one another. "Due to this, a new Devil's Saint runs the risk of accidentally 'discharging' their holy powers and hurting those around them. So they must be trained early or run as risk of becoming a hazard to their fellow Devils."

"…Is this why I've been forced to sleep outside all this time?" His inquiry was rewarded with a swift slap on the desk via Rias's pointer.

"No questions until after the lesson!"

"Y-yes, Buchou!" Another slap.

"Call me Ria-, I-I mean Gremory-sensei!"

"Yes, Gremory-sensei!"

**Part 3**

"Ara ara, Master," Akeno clapped her hands and smiled, "You're doing so wonderful today~." Issei looked towards his senpai turned mistress and gave her a hesitant grin. He'd have completely forgotten that she was, in fact, a member of his now _legalized harem_ if she didn't have a need to remind him every moment of the day.

While a mistress in the Human World would have to have been kept a secret, a mistress in the Devil's World was a legally claimed and acknowledged 'second wife', as it were. They were protected by laws and granted certain privileges that were usually only found with the spouse. Not to mention the ludicrous amounts of money they were said to be paid and were given more 'lee way' as it were. They could meet and greet with _any kind_ of nobility at their leisure, their finances were considered separate from their masters, had it far easier with removing themselves legally from their significant other than the spouse, and more.

In exchange, the master was gifted with an (assuming) talented individual under their employ. While a mistress was often used as a means to sate ones carnal desire, they were just as likely to be used for other roles, such as instructor of an art. In devil society, while a mistress could be seen as having gained a certain social status for having become the secondary wife of higher ranking nobility, a _Devil _could be seen as having risen in worldly status and power by having possession of certain kinds of mistresses.

They were just another form of politics and entertainment to alleviate the kind of boredom expected of creatures that lived for thousands of years, really.

So naturally, Issei, now a_ Devil's Saint_ married into the _Gremory_ family, was flooded with requests to be allowed entry into his personal harem; most of them from _men_. Turns out the title mistress were just as much a gender correct term as Kings were in the Rating Games for Devils.

Issei was not amused.

"Master?" Akeno tried to break him out of his thoughts, leaning down to look at the Saint. "Is something wrong?" Issei kept his eyes on the glowing green ball of magic in his hands. He'd quickly discovered two things. One, anything related to holy powers came nearly instinctive, and two, anything that _wasn't_ holy related he was having severe difficulty grasping.

The Saint wasn't sure why, honestly. He'd read enough manga to be familiar with this sort of training in the magical arts. It was essentially crafting skills through your own imagination, and with someone who'd spent their life surrounded by super heroes and hot-blooded men he _should_ have had an easier time making 'super special amazing powers', as Lord Maou had put it.

It was said that becoming a Saint opened doors to abilities that Devil's were once incapable of…but did that mean some 'doors' were closed in the process?

"Mas-ter." Akeno pronounced, hoping to have his attention. Issei averted his eyes. Akeno was casually garbed in a Victorian cotton blouse skirt and laced apron. The headdress on her head topped off the entire _maid outfit_. When he first spotted her waltzing around in it, he felt a tingle of blood drip down. Cleaning himself, and approaching his second mistress Issei asked why she was walking around in such a get up.

"_It's because your porn stash had a lot of maids in it, so I started dressing this way to please and entice you."_

"…_Just kidding~.__"_

He most certainly did not have maid-porn-with-large-breasted-long-haired-women-in -graceful-uniforms-working-to-please-their-masters -in-the-sexiest-ways-imaginable!

"_Master_," She stressed, growing impatient. Issei finally dared to look at his 'personal maid', as she'd been calling herself, to find her giving him a sly glance, mouth curled into a tiny smirk. "Is there anything wrong, Master~?"

"N-no." He denied, looking away from the priestess. Akeno giggled behind him, more pleased with herself than Issei liked.

"Very well~." Akeno tapped his shoulder with the ruler she'd brought with herself, "Please produce another spark of lightning."

Issei nodded, turning his focus from friend-turned-maid to the energy he'd kept in his hands…and it was only now that the saint realized that he'd managed to keep a ball of magic going without paying attention. But how did he-wait. Had Akeno been teasing him the whole time to keep him distracted? Take focus off his magic gathering? In the beginning it took the center of his concentration, even with holy powers, to keep the magic flowing. But now…now he'd just completely forgotten the essence in his hands.

Issei glanced out of the corner of his eyes at the maid wannabe, and saw that she was still smirking to herself. She was _smugly_ _pleased_ with his reactions, at least.

And he couldn't help but want to be teased by her _more_.

Inhaling, exhaling, Issei felt the forces of nature gather into his hands; small pieces, barely noticeable by the greater powers which held the worlds together. His gathered essence shifted, turning from a translucent emerald ball of power into an energized dynamo of electrical discharge. It lit up the Saint's face, sparking little bits out of his hands.

Compared to all the other kinds of magic they'd tested, earth, fire, water and other forms of natural magic; lightning was the most responsive outside of holy. Akeno had explained to him that holy and lightning powers held a certain connection, being unofficially registered under the element 'Heaven' –being considered its sub-elements. Often the two were combined to form 'Holy Lightning', a stable attack of _Fallen Angels_.

Issei wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"Holy power, the 'Light of the Gods', changes depending on the person," Akeno started explanation, "While the core characteristics remain the same, the form of the holy power tends to shift from person to person." She lifted the ruler up from his left shoulder and placed it on his right. "Some light powers are brightly colored, some darker, some have alternative affects to them, like tossing 'embers' or 'static' even without adding such an element to the affinity." Then she lifted the ruler off his shoulders entirely. "The later is very rare, however. And you're not likely to see it unless dealing with individuals who've 'strayed from the righteous path' or those who gain light powers through external means."

Akeno walked around to Isseis' front and pointed her ruler at the sparkling lightning ball in Issei's hands. "When you're not adding lightning your Holy power seems to be wavy, kinda like the heat that comes off fires." She stated, leaning in to get a closer examination, "It also seems that whatever you do, your powers have a green tint to them. Isn't that great, Master? You're holy powers are shaded the same as my favorite color."

"R-really?"

"Of course," She closed in on Issei, sly smile gracing tantalizing lips, "my favorite colors whatever tint Issei-kun's power is, after all~." Issei felt his cheeks heat up. S-she didn't really mean that, did she?

Akeno leaned back and coughed. "Now, how about you split it into multiple balls?"

"Multiples?" He copied, looking back at Akeno.

"Yes," She lifted her hand and produced several small balls of magic, each one hovering in a set patter around her palm, "a true master of demon power can reflexively duplicate their powers on multiplex levels while sustaining the spells degree of power within each copy. This allows them to build up a far more substantially potent attack." The maid lifted up the hand holding the ruler, a single finger sticking up. "You've never seen me do it before, but I could level a mountain with one spell casting." She noted, smiling.

A m-m-m-mountain!?

"So go ahead Master, give it a try." She urged him, and Issei set out to accomplish his task. Twisting the static ball with his hands, it corkscrewed. First it turned into an oval shape. It tried to pull itself apart, pieces of it stretching away before cartoonishly snapping back into the original ball. Then he tried to corkscrew it, twisting the ball in hopes of ripping it apart. It simply unfurled itself.

Issei gave it several more tries, all utter failures, before Akeno sighed and told him to stop. Issei let the energy disperse as commanded. "It's okay," She consoled him, "not everyone gets it on the first time."

"…And by 'everyone' you mean…"

"Three percent!" She offered cheerfully. "Even Koneko and Kiba got it on their first times. But don't let the fact you're considerably less talented than them stray you from the path of magical enlightenment!~"

"N-not even…" Koneko he could understand. She seemed like the type that could do something if she could put her mind to it. But Kiba? _Kiba_. He'd _never_ accept that. Not losing to Mr. Perfect Bishounen _Fancy Pants._

Akeno lifted up her wrist and checked her watch. "Master, it's time for your evening beati-_training_. How about we pick this up next time?"

Issei, determined to excel, and not just single minded wanting to one up his fellow male comrade, totally not the case, rose to his feet. Taking hold of the Priestess's hand, the Saint got right up in Akeno's face, catching her by surprise. "Please!" He begged the blushing maid, "Let me stay with you a little longer!"

He wasn't going to stop until he could do just as go-no, better than Kiba!

"I-I, th-that, Mast, Isse, ah," Akeno, always the aggressor and never on the defensive, found herself timidly spurting out replies. Her demeanor had turn a full one eighty from the confident young woman she'd been moments ago.

"_Please_, Akeno-senpai." He pleaded earnestly.

"..O-okay." She squeaked, and Issei awarded her with a smile that made the Priestess catch her breath.

"Thank you!"

**Part 4 **

"Kill…me…"

Clothes tattered and wounds scarring his body, Issei crawled away from what'd become the most terrifying part of his day. He'd just let him-self plop down on top of the nearest hill he could find and enjoy his small respite.

This part of the day was filled with training in what was an ever changing _sentinel labyrinth_. Able to shift it's form on a whim, and capable of categorizing every map it's ever created, it was said that the Labyrinth, _Stray Man's Odyssey_, never used the same layout twice. It was a walking alternate dimension, the 'living adventure', it could supply any kind of monster or creature, terrain or environment, hazard or event, depending on the adventurers rank and memory. It was an endless expansive of epic journeys, and many paid ridicules amounts of money to traverse inside. Over half of the Gremory's funding came simply from setting up appointments with other demons looking for a fun time.

Issei had squeed when he realized it was essentially a living _game simulator_.

It was considered to be one of the three greatest familiars in the underworld, to the point where it'd surpassed the usual rank ceiling of 'Ultimate' and given it's own rank of 'Supreme', and Issei had been running through its courses every day since he'd been declared Ultimate-class Devil.

And it belonged to none other than Lord Gremory himself. It was actually the subjugation of this beast that had earned the Lord the rank of Ultimate. How he accomplished this, Lord Gremory wouldn't say. Some assumed he'd earned its respect by going through a thousand floor marathon and fighting a Super Bonus Supreme Ranked Boss at the bottom, others whispered that he bested the labyrinth itself in single combat. Colossus Mythical Construct vs. The Legendary Abstraction…a title Lord Gremory was proud of, apparently.

He sad down and flinched with pain road up his side; if the Lord had actually gone through some super trek through the living maze then Issei held a new respect for the man. Issei could just barely manage the lower settings on it; smaller adventures, lasting nothing more than a few hours. It usually consisted of him running through what was essentially a stereotypical role playing games Demon Lord's castle and fighting the boss at the end. Sometimes he met Sirzechs in the throne room, sometimes, well...

Heels clicked through the room as step by delicious step the Crimson Tempest made her way down the staircase from her throne, hips swaying. From her collar bone to her bellybutton of her dress, all was revealed, with the only thing keeping her 'modesty' were a pair of simple coverings over her teats. The bottom half was more proper, a silken black gown trailing behind, wisps of ebony smoke coming of the end. She was wearing what was seemingly impossible – but that didn't change the fact that the way it flaunted her luscious curves was _amazing_.

There was also the fact that it was made entirely out of her power of destruction.

Somehow.

With a single swoosh of her cape the red headed beauty extended a hand to Issei.

"Be mine, hero!"

"Yes! Oh god, _yes!_" There was nothing in this world that'd make him happier! To which his wife-turned-demon-lord answered with a suffering sigh.

"Issei-kun…" She started, distressed by his antics. "You know that's not the right answer."

"It's the best answer!" He said with all the confidence in the world.

"We have to do this right!" She scolded, hands on her hips. "You know what the scenario requires!" He did this _every time_. But could anyone blame him? A beautiful woman asked him to be hers. What was he supposed to do? Refuse?

Apparently so.

"b-but…." Issei gave her a mournful look, "I _want_ to be yours."

"…I-I know," Rias looked away from her husband, cheeks shaded. It always ended up like this, too. "But we have to go by Stray's work or we can't proceed. So, please," She glanced back at him, adding on "For me?"

'For me', one of the most, in Issei's opinion, unfair lines a significant other could say. In was the one hit KO that had Issei on his knees and waiting to please his lovely master.

Adjusting his hero head band and lifting his sword, Issei uttered the words that'd let them proceed with the adventures final showdown. "I refuse!"

Whipping out both her hands, the dark powers of destruction gathered in her palms. With one, deep voice, Rias muttered **"Pity."**

Issei wasn't quite sure how many times he'd faced his wife in a 'duel to the death'. Stray Man kept its adventurer's from dying when inside its walls, dispersing them not unlike that from the Rating Games. The battles never went well either. He had an absolute zero success rate when fighting against Rias. At first it had simply been from any lack of desire to harm her. She'd grind that out with the first dozen losses via laser to the face. Now he actually tried to best her, with varying degrees of failure.

Apparently, even with how significantly less powerful she was than her older brother, the Daughter of Extinction was still considered on the level of Ultimate-Rank class demons – their weakest, as it were. At least until the Saint got a boot up the rank ladder.

Rubbing his neck, Issei groaned to himself. Getting hit with concentrated beams made to burn away your very _existence_ was not fun. The Saint wasn't quite sure how the powers worked outside of 'conceptually best lasers ever' but he was thankful its users could turn down the juice whenever they wanted too. Otherwise he'd be lacking a head several times over by now. And an arm. And a chest. And a-

"Issei-san?"

Snapping out of thoughts, Issei turned to greet his visitor, "A-asia, how long have you-"

"I just got here," Asia smiled. The ex-nun had, like Akeno before, her switched from her usual attar into that of a…maid uniform. He could barely handle having one mistress-maid running around and tried to get her to switch back to the nunnery. Instead of an innocent compliance to his demands like Issei wanted, Asia had instead refused to switch. It had to his shock, after a bit of escalation, led to a rather loud argument in the hallway over the get up. Issei never knew Asia had it in her. Neither did her, probably.

When things had eventually calmed down, thanks to a timely intervention from Grayfia herself, the former nun outright declared that she wouldn't change out of her outfit. Issei, fearing a sudden plummet from the blood loss he'd lose over watching the adorable nun walk around as a mei-maid, begged for her to change out of it.

Asia bit her lip, distressed, but still gave a final 'No' before slamming the door shut on that conversation by walking off. It was mind-boggling how Asia, _their Asia_, could suddenly be so stubborn?

"Are you hurt?" She asked, smoothing out her skirt and apron before sitting behind him. They both knew the answer to that, obviously. He was always hurt. But it was a way of easing into meeting one another after Issei's daily beatings.

"Y-yeah," Issei scratched his check, glancing to the side. Then he felt a sudden rush of healing energy enter him, "Ahhh," The Saint closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth that flooded him. Asia moved her hands across his back, hands glowing green with magic. He got to see her three times a day, after each beating to get a quick patch up before moving on to the mental training sections. Each time she'd greet him with a smile and a form of 'good work'. A may have been a small thing to others, but to Issei it'd become one of the things he'd look forward to.

That and…

Chugging on by the two, little puffs of smoke coming out of its stack, was a toy ship. Its wheels turned in the air, effectively useless but still utterly adorable. Issei smiled at the sentinel toy.

"Hey, Yoshitsuna." The toy ship puffed some more smoke, slowly floating its way up to its master. One wouldn't know by looking it, but this was a living ship, the Skioblaonir, one of few legendary Norse ships crafted by a long lost tribe. He'd been given it as a 'wedding gift' by one of Sirzechs's Rooks. They'd actually planned to give this to him later, but, well, the ship according to them could change shapes depending on its master's growth; so the moment they began his training they had him accept it as his familiar.

The name has been Rias's idea.

The ship tooted up to its master, a single biscuit riding on its tiny bow. Issei grinned and swiped the morsel. He didn't care to savior the meal, quickly shoving it into his mouth and after a few bites swallowing it. The Saint feared that if anyone stumbled across this little heresy they'd rob him of his meal. While he hadn't had any 'official' meals, he got snacks like this thanks to the efforts of his little boat. How it was managing to get a hold of the food, he didn't know or cared. What mattered was that he had something nice and toasty filling his stomach.

"Suna really likes you, doesn't he?" Asia kept running her hands up and down Issei's back. Issei glanced over his shoulder to look at the devil nun, wondering if the damage had been worse than he thought. Asia grimaced but kept her silence.

"I guess." The boat circled around its master, happily spinning its wheels as it went. "Wonder when he'll get bigger."

"What do you think he'll turn into?" Asia inquired innocently.

"…A _space ship_," Issei finally declared, "The greatest space ship that ever existed."

"A…space… ship?" Asia tested the foreign phrase, and gave Issei a questionable glance.

"Yeah! Its…Its, uh, a ship. T-that travels…through space." He added on lamely. Of course it went through space. That's why it was called a _space ship_.

"I-I see." Then the conversation came to an awkward close; Asia, running her hands along her masters back, and the Saint staring up at the bleak purple sky of the Underworld. From the feel of it she was almost done. Issei glanced at his arms and could see the wounds visibly close. Asia had over time gained the ability to heal a person's injuries, regardless of location, with just a touch. It was something she'd developed while patching him up. If he heard correctly from Sirzechs, she was learning how to do it at a distance. Than game mass heals, than stats removals, than revivals…

She was almost like a white mage. That was kinda neat.

"Issei-kun," For the second time that day she caught him off guard. Issei glanced back at the nun, still hard at work to put him back in one piece,"I-if Suna can really flying into space," She started, "T-then…"

"Then?"

"…Will…will you show me the stars?"

"…Asia?" Issei questioned softly.

"I-I…" Asia had stopped healing him, hands balled in her lap. Issei glanced over his shoulder at his friend, and saw her head hung low. Whatever expression she might have had at the moment, it was hidden by her bangs. She seemed to be stuttering a bit, trying to justify her wish. Issei, unsure, could only listen to the nun babble to her-self.

She wanted to see them, huh?

"Yeah," Asia stopped mid word, blinking, "I'll show you the stars, Asia." Come to think of it, Issei didn't actually know that much about the nun did he? The Saint knew of her past, all the horrible things that'd happened to her but…what about all the happy things? The wonderful, warm, fond memories and dreams she must have had, even if they were few, he still wanted to know. _Needed_ to know.

"R-really?" Asia asked hopefully, Issei nodded, still facing away from the girl.

He wouldn't ask right now why it meant so much to her; but someday he'd find out. Either she'd tell him herself or the Saint would pester the nun enough to reveal her secrets.

That's what friends did, right?

"T-then, um," Asia continued, raising herself "Would you like if I g-gave you a shoulder rub?"

"...Yeah, sure. Thanks Asia."

**Part 5**

Rias was not _pleased_.

Standing by the entrance to her home, leaning on the side of the door, the Crimson Tempest could see what was happening. She'd been watching them the entire conversation, like she'd done yesterday, and the day before that, and before that, and so on and so forth. Her heightened ears couldn't pick up what they were saying at this distance, being that they were to the human eye nothing more than specks on the horizon, but she could see them. And read their lips.

"_I'll show you the stars, Asia."_

Rias bit her thumb in frustration. It wasn't _fair_.

"Lady Rias?" The red head looked back to see her brother's wife, Grayfia, making her way up to the entrance.

"Hello," Rias looked away from the silver beauty, dropping her hand and staring blankly off in the distance. With luck, she wouldn't-

"They're a lovely couple, aren't they?"

Tch.

"Who?" The Daughter of Extinction feigned confusion, hoping the head maid would drop the subject.

"Issei and his mistress," Grayfia zoomed right in on the two, still chatting on the hill. The maid frowned when she saw Issei, who should have been training at the time, was in fact receiving a back massage. She'd let it go. For now. "They really are adorable."

Rias's mouth quivered and she took a quick glance over at the hill. Still there, still talking, still _lovey-dovey_.

Ever since Issei had woken up and put before the court, he'd gone through nothing but training. _Nothing_. Every waking moment he was supposed to be training with someone or working on something. The path to Ultimate-class was supposed to take hundreds of years of slow bodily grading and mental preparation, both on part because of the Devil's stupidly long life-span and the honest need of that much time to train their bodies.

But since Issei was a _Saint_, which meant he was now one of the most durable individuals in the Underworld, and because of Asia's Twilight Healing, they were trying to push him to at least high-ranking demon power within the span of _months_. And it was working. Through the combined efforts of her family, their resources and his own personal hardship, Iseei had gained more strength then she could have imagined.

Her husband was nothing like the powerless little boy he once was.

But _still_.

"It's not fair," She finally relented, staring longingly at the two.

"It's entirely fair." Grayfia stated, to Rias's shock. "She's a legal part of his harem, Lady Rias. She's just as entitled to time with him as you are."

"But I don't even-"

"You don't, no." Grayfia continued, cutting off her sister-in-law. "But there's a reason for that. He has to get stronger, Rias, and time with you would be…_distracting_." She emphasized. It was true; Issei was more distracted when she was around. The Crimson Tempest didn't honestly think he'd remember half the things from this afternoons lecture – he'd been too busy admiring her, uh, 'beauty'.

Not that she was any better. Most of the time he came to class drenched head to toe in sweat and she was…admiring of the way the training was working his muscles. And the way his sweaty clothes clung to _every inch_ of his body after training was-

Rias shivered.

Grayfia pulled out a silver pocket watch and clicked it open, peering down at the tiny hands. "Hmm," The maid snapped the lid shut just as quickly as she'd opened it and coughed to get her mistresses attention. "Lady Rias, I've a message for you from Lord Sirzechs."

"…Yes?"

"It was "You get twenty minutes. Have fun Ria-tan,"." The silver beauty felt a smile tug on her professional stoicism when she could see her sister-in-laws eye's light up. "Of course, this was meant to be delivered four minutes ago so..."

Rias blinked. "B-but, you-your the one who…!"

"Do you really have time for this?" Grayfia cut off the girl's complaints and tapped her pocket watch, "tick tock, Lady Rias."

And like that, the Crimson Tempest was gone.

**Part 6**

As the night sky churned, clouds twisting into a greater storm, a figure sat perched on a high-rise building. They were pelted with droplets of water, uncaring of the inevitable downpour. Their cloak flapped as the elevated winds picked up, and in the farthest distance one could see a single flash of lightning gracing the darken sky.

Peering over the edge, the figure could see them; the innocent people of Kuoh, those who'd been plagued by a great darkness. Plagued by _evil_. It'd become a festering hive of foul and villainous creatures, that which would pray on the people's _good nature_, their _hopes_ and _dreams_ and pull them from the _righteous path_.

Demons

But the figure would not stand for such _injustice_. Not while they still breathed. They'd slew hell's agents and free the populace from their secret tyranny. No one had to know what lay beneath the surface, what horrors walked among them. And when the evil existence was removed, she'd be gone. The unknown savior, an enigma of _righteousness_, the light that vanquished the shadows themselves!

Like a _real_ super hero!

"_Chun chun bah dah, chun bah dahba~ Chun chun bah dah, chun bah dah~."_

Another flash of lightning struck the skies. If one were to look up at that moment, they'd see the shimming ruby of the figures full plated body armor. Rising from her position, the figure drew forth their sword, a Japanese blade, the infamous katana, and twirled it in her hands.

"_Irrinnnna~ Sentai~ Shiii~doo~ooooohhh~"_

Twirling the blade one final time, the figure placed it on her shoulder and smiled to her-self. The once drizzle had started to stir. What was once a mild annoyance had become a moderate rainfall splashing against the armor and dripping off her cloak. But that didn't bother her. No. For the figure was far too long gone in her fantasy world of infinite justices and heroism.

[Hey, partner]

"_Yes, Ddraig?" _The figure perked up. It wasn't often that the Welsh Dragon spoke to her without being spoken to first.

[Justice and Heroics are fine and all] The imprisoned dragon whispered into her mind. [But how about we get out of the rain?]

"_Ah,"_ She expressed, taking notice of the newly arrived downpour for the first time. Lifting a gauntlet up she watched the rain splatter in her palm. "_Yeah, let's go home Ddraig."_ De-materializing her sword and storing it in her gear, the figure left with a single swoosh of her cloak.

The vanquishing of evil would have to wait for another day.

Preferably when it was sunnier.

With a nice breeze.

…And maybe after a nap on the roof.

**Life 1**

When I was writing all the exposition this chapter, I was essentially thinking 'I am so full of shit'.

While I tried to grant some coherent understanding to lolmagic for demons, who apparently run off 'I think I can and thus lasers', It was a sort of slapped together _thing_ that I'm not entirely happy about.

I think of everything I've planned out for the fic, Stray Man's my favorite character. If only for the sheer potential of funny I can produce with it. Originally it's section was going to be nothing more than a simple obstacle course, with Issei running through while having lasers shot at him by the Gremory's (And demonic bears on his heels). Then I started adding on more traps and conditions, then I thought 'Why not just make it a labyrinth then if I'm going that far'. Then I remembered that strong enough familiars could be their own dimension in this series and one thing led to another...

Let's just say I'm pleased with it.

The entire scene with Asia I wasn't particularly satisfied with, felt pretty forced, but eh. It had adorable toy boats in it. You all should be happy anyway.

Why yes, I did make Irina a hero of JUSHTISH. Why do you ask?

A final note, personal life with be hectic for the next few months, so I may or may not get another chapter out for awhile. Or maybe I will. Who knows?

till next time fic reader~


	3. Life 2

Hello everyone, been awhile. My classes are over for a whole...week and a half and I've enough time to actually get a chapter out! Which was shoddy slapped together and is a kind of not so great thing that's quality is all over the place. Didn't help that it's purpose is to just get Issei up and ready for the real, actually interesting parts.

So with some of the comments, lets see...

Issei's personality was kept the same because I felt that perversion was a central part to his character. The man obtains perverted enlightenment, for Christ's sake. Not having the man on the higher end of the perv scale would feel more like an OC wearing an Issei-skin suit, if anything.

One reviewer mentioned the power of destruction being more than just a suped up laser, and he's right. While I'd mentioned it could derp with existences in all of one brief sentence, I didn't go much into detail on it because, well, I couldn't think of a means to explain it. I'm kind of a crappy writer like that. So if he doesn't mind, I'll be yanking that for a later chapter explanation.

Why yes Issei does get a peerage. Fairly soon. Reeeeaaaalllyyy soon.

Like, keep reading and you'll see how soon.

With that out of the way.

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything. I live a sad and poor life, alas.**

So then, let the story begin...

**Life 2**

**Part 1**

Issei Hyodo Gremory was a man who'd stormed into the base of fallen angels to save a friend. Who'd challenged a pompous fire bird noble in a duel to decide the fate of his now wife. Who'd even survived an excruciating ritual to turn himself into a _legend among demon kind_.

Now, he was to meet his first chess piece. The Saint was scared out of his wits.

"Keep your chin up, back straight, and don't speak out of turn." Grayfia continued to repeat the same thing she'd told him for the past hour while fussing over his clothing in the massive halls of the Gremory castle. Having been abruptly taken from his routine training, shoved into a bathroom and scrubbed down by ten some odd maids; the Saint's mind had been struggling to keep up with the spontaneous turn of events. It didn't help that Grayfia had been uncharacteristically hasty and rushed him from location to location in preparation of his meeting.

Lovingly crafted European furniture lined the ivory-tinted walls, and the occasional painting could be spotted as one made way down the red carpeted floor. Some of these paintings were from ages long past, things crafted hundreds of years ago. Some of them were more modern and familiar, like the family paintings that'd been scattered through the halls.

One of them involved a far younger Rias being held up by the Lord Gremory, the little girl's arms wrapped dearly around her father's neck and shyly looking away from whoever was painting them.

It was the most _adorable _thing Issei had ever seen_ in his life_.

He wasn't biased in the slightest because it was his wife.

Not at all

Issei tugged at his cuffs in dissatisfaction. This had been the first time he'd worn Victorian styled attire. A classical tuxedo shirt tucked into a pair of cotton trousers, which was layered with a stripped four pocket vest that was in turn layered with cut away coat. Around his collar was a promptly tied string bow, and like the rest of his get up his shoes and gloves were a varying shade of brown.

It felt a bit stuffy to him, frankly. Formal clothing just wasn't his thing, and given half a chance he'd be walking into the meeting in casual clothes, or even his school uniform. Grayfia had informed him when he'd asked for a switch that the Underworld was an ever changing place of style and fashion. Right now, Victorian dress was in and should "endeavor to appeal to the shifting tastes of the demon nobility for the betterment of the Gremory Family."

This was secret noble code, he imagined, for 'suck it up and wear the damn suit'.

"And above all else," Grayfia was finishing up her lecture while fiddling with his collar, "relax." Then the head maid did that _thing_ of hers. The silver beauty was, above all else, a professional. Keeping a stoic expression while in service to the Gremory family one would be lucky to get the slightest of twitches or muscle pull. Yet she had this skillof hers_._ The ability to provide small, affectionate smiles; her lips barely moved, just a bit of a curl upwards really. Yet the Saint always saw them when she wanted (needed?) him too, and whenever he was _graced_ with such a smile Issei always experienced an overwhelming flow of emotions.

It was barely a twitch of the lips and the boy already felt himself go _weak at the knees_. Was this the skill of an older woman? Was Rias going to learn how to do this eventually? Issei gulped at the thought, the Saint didn't think he could handle such a thing!

As the grand doors to Sirzechs inner sanctum creaked open, Grayfia quickly checked her pocket watch. "Issei-sama," she said, returning to her professional stoicism, "It's time." With a single twist of her wrist the watch was gone and Issei soon found himself being herded into the workplace of his brother-in-law.

The inner office of Lord Maou was rather simple in tastes remise of the outer halls, ivory walls and red carpeting. It was spacious enough to hold his work desk along with a set of couches and a table between them, and still have room to spare. As Issei moved further into the office, Grayfia always kept two steps behind him. The years of practice giving her a perfect, confident stride while Issei was more shuffling forward in anxiety.

The Maou was sitting behind his desk, tea cup and plate in hand. When the man spotted the Saint, he smiled broadly and set his cup down to wave the boy in. "Come in, come in Ise-kun! Sit, sit, have some tea."

"Good day, Issei-sama."

On the couch was a cringingly familiar individual. She was a lithe individual wearing a long, pink frilled dress of a noblewoman. Daintily sipping from her cup, and humming in delight, the individual turned her sharp, dark-blue eyes on him.

"R-ravel?" The Saint started to feel himself sweat, nervously tugging at his collar.

"Yes?" She asked softly, a knowing smile playing her lips. Then her eye's trailed upwards. "Nice hair."

Issei unconsciously combed a hand through his hair, which was still recovering from its magical ritual induced dying. There were just wisps of silver left in it, his normal brown almost returned, but there was still enough of a 'Saint's mark' to be visible. "T-thanks," he stuttered.

Issei looked to the side, anxiety welling up in him. The last time he saw Ravel was during his wife's engagement party to the girl's older brother; right before showering the man in holy water, in fact. Since then he'd, well, not seen or heard anything from the family since.

With some encouragement from Sirzechs, the Saint found himself sitting right across from Ravel with some freshly poured cup of tea in hand. Issei was quite content to keep his gaze off the fire bird in favor of looking at his brother-in-law.

Lord Sirzechs placed his tea cup to the side and leaned forward, steeping his hands. "Now, let's get down to business. Due to certain actions taken by the Gremory family to the Phoenix's-"

"Beating my brother within an inch of his life and cutting off a contracted marriage," Ravel interrupted before sipping her tea.

"-We've now found ourselves having lost favor with the family in question." Sirzechs was unruffled by Ravel's statement. Then he limply waved his hand from side to side, as if to blow off what he just said. "Well, unofficially the family didn't mind. Lord and Lady Phoenix felt someone needed to knock Raiser off his high-horse and having a lesser demon do so was exceptional."

"L-lesser." Issei felt himself sink into the couch. Sure, he was a reincarnated devil, and was weak during the fight, and pretty much relied solely on luck but…_but_…

Issei drank his tea.

"Mother and Father extend their _unofficial_ thanks for throttling their son." Ravel added on, smiling like she was on some inside joke.

"However, appearances must be kept," Sirzechs continued, hands returning to their steeped position, "As such we've come to an agreement over how to deal with their grievances."

"A-and that is?" Issei was shaking a bit. He wasn't exactly the savviest demon on the politic scene, having spent the majority of his time in the Underworld getting his shit kicked in, so the Saint was feeling nervous over what the fire birds could possibly want.

"Grayfia, if you would." The silver maid left her husband's side to hand Issei a stack of papers. On the front page were the words PHOENIX TRADITIONS in bold, followed with 'by Ravel Phoenix'. The Saint knitted his brows in confusion and looked to Sirzechs for answers.

"Lady Ravel?" He deflected it to the fire bird.

The demoness cleared her throat, and straightened her back. Lifting a single finger she began her lecture. "The _esteemed_ Pheonix family carries a long and _prestigious_ history of immortals," she was sounding just a tad too pompous for his taste, "during which we've established a set of traditions befitting such an _honorable_ and _glorious_ lifespan, all of which have been organized and explained in detail in this report."

"One such tradition," Sirzechs carried on for Ravel, "is having a family member serve as a representative to those that 'best the sons of fire and science'. During their stay with you, the Phoenix in question will be observing and analyzing your daily routine and combat style."

"I-I see."

"Or in other words, it means they're trying to learn how to crush you," Issei, who was sipping his tea, found himself choking on it. With a few smacks to the chest, the Saint looked at his brother-in-law like he was crazy. "Well, it's true. You're being considered a threat now. Isn't that great Ise-kun? You're finally getting some respect!"

He didn't want that kind of respect!

"And I," Ravel spoke up, a hand placed on her chest and a nose up in the air, "am the chosen representative of the family. You should be grateful!"

"…Uh huh." Issei squinted at the fire bird, anxiety quickly draining from him.

"Lady Ravel will be serving as your Bishop during her stay." Reaching down and searching around behind the desk, Sirzechs finally pulled out a brown case. "Now, as for the other pieces…" With a 'click', the case opened and Sirzechs spun it around to show its contents.

"Rejoice, Issei Hyodo Gremory! Your right as king has arrived!" Issei's eyes lit up like child that's just been given an early Christmas.

Chess pieces

A peerage

_His peerage!_

"Hold on." Something was off. He was missing a few pieces. The bishop had already been explained; she was sitting right across from him. But that didn't explain the other missing piece. "Sirzechs-sama," Issei quested as his eyes continued to eye the chess set, half in awe of his future minions, half worried that he wasn't granted a complete set, "I'm missing a pawn."

Sirzechs blinked, stood up and looked down into the case. "Huh, imagine that. You are." The Lord Maou's comment was half-hearted, and his expression wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he knew. Issei groaned.

"…Can you at least tell me who it is?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about Ise-kun." No, of course you didn't. Silly him.

"Is that all?" The Saint asked weakly, feeling his emotions drained. He really just wanted to go rest somewhere, or get back to training, or, just, anything that wasn't here dealing with crazy people.

"No, but I'll let Ria-tan handle the rest. We'll call the meeting here. " Then he leaned back and clapped his hands, which confused the boy. "Congratulations on getting your first piece Ise-kun!" And then his face stretched into a mischievous grin, "and, of course, on the acquisition of your _third mistress_."

"Eh?"

Ravel placed the tea cup onto it's plate, and with her fingers interlaced in front of her, gave Issei a dazzling smile, "Let's do our best from now on, okay? _Master._"

**Part 2**

"And you were just so cool!"

"Hah."

Sitting in one of the many lounges of the Gremory estate, which was fabulously furbished liked everything else in their ridiculously sized castle, Issei found himself once again sitting face to face with the daughter of flames. Except now they weren't dealing business and the girl was now letting everything that she'd been bottling up during their initial meeting.

In front of his wife

While wearing a maid uniform

He had a _hunch_ who was responsible for this, and when questioned all Ravel had to mention was a pony-tailed maid for him to groan.

Sitting next to him, and having to endure the constant gushing of his newly minted piece, was Rias. Unlike the others in the room, she'd forgone any attempts at Victorian fashion in favor of a much more familiar school uniform. Cross-legged, cup in hand, the Crimson Tempest choose to keep her silence in the ensuing flood of heroic praises and over the top flattery. Issei wisely choose to keep his responses as short as possible, and sipped his tea.

The one who really carried the conversation was Akeno. Like Ravel she'd been dressed up in her maid uniform and was standing with Asia behind the couch Rias and he shared. Issei had asked them to at least join them in sitting, but all he got was a 'tsk, tsk' from Akeno who told him they were 'on the clock'.

This hadn't stopped her from making casual conversation with Ravel.

"But you know," Ravel leaned forward, elbows resting on knees and in turn her chin resting on her folded hands, "You haven't been saying much Master."

"I'm, uh, just tired."

"He's been training non-stop you know," Akeno offered helpfully, hand on her cheek, "we've been pushing him hard to reach Ultimate level."

"So I hear," The fire bird glanced him over, and Issei found himself looking away in embarrassment. Her eyes narrowed, as if she apprising him of his current condition. Then she frowned, and clicked her tongue in disappointment, "he doesn't look like he's even close," Ow, his _pride_, "will he be continuing his training?"

"No." Rias spoke up, drawing the attention of the others. She took a single sip of her tea, letting the suspense hang in the air, before gently placing cup back on its plate, "He's being sent home."

"H-home?"

He, well, he didn't really know how to handle that kind of news. Like everything else that was happening today, it was abrupt and mind-boggling. His eyes shifted, and the Saint sank back into his seat. He suddenly felt his strength drain from him. "…Home…"

There was a lot he'd have to deal with; his friends (all of two), his school, his…parents. It'd be over a year since he'd step foot on his plane, and he just did not know how he was going to deal with it. Rias sent a side-ward sympathetic glance at her husband, and took another drink from her cup.

"Yes, home. We've-"

"By 'we' she means 'her-self'," Akeno interrupted, looking away innocently when Rias turned to deliver the girl a traitorous glare.

"_We_," Rias turned back to Issei," have decided you've spent enough time training and need a break. You're being sent back home tomorrow on the Gremory's personal express."

"Well, technically all of us are going back." Akeno looked over to Asia, who was entirely adorable with how serious she was trying to be as a maid, "We're your escorts as a Lord of Gremory. Though it's really just so we can go back to work in our territory."

"Mhmm," Rias placed her cup down once again and turned to her husband, "we've all been taken out of school while you trained down here in Hell. It's been, well, over a year since you've been at school. The new years started and you'll be re-attending the grade you were in before the incident with Raiser."

Issei glanced between the girls, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, Bouchu, isn't that a bit much?"

"Pardon?"

As much as the Saint appreciated everyone waiting on him, really, he didn't want them to be forced to repeat just because the Gremory were favoring him. "I-I mean, everyone being held back because of me…"

Beat

His efforts of thoughtfulness were met with a round of assorted giggles. The reaction left the Saint's eyes once more shifting uncomfortably, and wondering if he'd said anything wrong.

"_Oh Ise_," Rias finally managed after her giggle fit, hand covering her mouth, "Fourteen."

"Three," Akeno piped up.

"Eight," Ravel offered.

"…One." Asia said, suddenly looking guilty.

"Eh?" Issei blinked.

Rias smiled, "It's the number of times we've completed high school."

And like that, the Saint's felt the gears in his head cease as one. It was a mental meltdown, and left the Saint nothing more than a babbling mess frantically looking from girl to girl; no, wait, woman-_to-woman_.

"Devil's live a long time, Ise." Rias continued, once more lifting up her cup. Frowning when she saw it empty, she raised her cup and Akeno was more than happy to oblige her with some fresh tea. "I've been going to high school for years now."

"B-but,"

"Of course, I've been through several college programs." Sipping her newly poured drink, the devil smirked at her husband, "but I still move around as a high schooler because it's easier."

"I-I-I-," Issei reeled back and pointed at the girls behind them, voice frantic "both of you, too!?"

"Sorry Master~," Akeno apologized without a smidge of regret, lips twirled up into a mischievous smile, "I've been through college too."

Pitiful eyes looked upon his pure joy, the nun turned maid, who was rubbing her arm with a free hand. "I-I haven't." Issei smiled in relief.

"She's been working on it while she was here though," Akeno added, forcing Asia into some defensive hand waving before letting them drop in despair when the queen maid revealed the whole truth. "She's almost finished too; aren't you proud master?"

"H-how!?" They hadn't been done in the Underworld _nearly_ long enough for such a thing!

"The Devil's have developed an extremely advanced school and college curriculum" Rias grimaced, no doubt having been placed through the programs her-self. "It can be…brutal. We usually limit reincarnated devils to a few months at best to keep the stress from getting to them."

Then she smiled radiantly, "but Asia has done admirably to not only _excel_ at her studies, but to do so while handling her work."

"I-I," She looked away in embarrassment, red tinting her cheeks, "I had a lot of help."

It was only then that the Saint had taken real, hard look at the nun. She looked healthy enough, but he could see her hair a bit frazzled and dark rings starting to form around her eyes. Devils were, by nature, more durable than humans – going sleep deprived wouldn't run them into the ground, as he knew from personal experience. Even then, something like this was fixed with a day or so of rest.

Yet the poor girl looked like she was about to kill over, so to speak.

Despite this new found discovery, or maybe because of it, the Saint felt his mouth pull into a smile brilliantly "Thank you, Asia."

"E-eh?" The ex-nun turned to him while copying her master's confused response. Her face was already flaring up, looking unsure of what he meant.

"You've been working hard to support me while doing all of this behind the scenes right?" He asked tenderly, looking at her fondly. "I can't even imagine how hard it's been for you, but…Thank you for always being there for me. I'd be lost without you, Asia."

A high pitch whistle sounded off, steam pouring out the girl and her face reminiscent of a tomato in color; her vision swimming in circles. With a few side turns of the head, as if trying to shake away his words, Asia muttered something before falling backwards and hitting the ground with a loud 'thud'.

"A-asia?!" The Saint called in alarm, climbing a bit over his seat to check on the girl.

"Ara ara, Master," Akeno spoke up, hand on her cheek, half out of habit, half out of an attempt to hide her deepening blush, "What a terrible thing you've done."

"Your horrible," Ravel tried to hide her tinted cheeks behind the tea cup.

"The absolute worst," Rias turned away from her husband, face a mix of rosy cheeks accompanied by a dissatisfied frown. She sipped her tea.

"What'd I do!?"

**Part 3**

Akeno had always enjoyed the simple things in life.

So when Rias had mentioned the day before that they'd be riding on the express back home instead of, say, just transferring via summoning symbol she was perfectly fine with it. Usually express riding was a means of registration for new devils – yet Issei and Asia had been with them for over a year by now, and Issei was a legal member of the Gremory family (and Asia as a registered mistress). So it was a novelty thing, really.

She sat across from Lady Phoenix, whom she was engaging in a game of chess with. The young (?) fire bird was rubbing her hair in frustration over Akeno's most recent move, and the lightning priestess tried her hardest not to look _too_ smug over it.

As her attention drifted, Akeno found her-self eyeing their fellow passengers. On the other side of the train sat Rias, her King, and Issei, her master…and Asia, who'd taken to sleeping on the Saint's lap. Scrunched up in the two-seater, the little girl was comfortably resting her head on his thigh. Her snores filled the cabin, and no one was willing to wake the ex-nun.

She was just too cute.

The lightning priestess hadn't expected Asia to ask for such a thing as a _lap pillow_ when she nudged Issei to reward her, but with a bit of coaxing the shy girl had finally confessed her wish.

It was a bit frustrating, Akeno would admit, how she lost _her_ chance at a lap pillow during the train ride. Great minds think a like, huh?

"Hah!" the fire princess exclaimed, and all eyes turned to glare at her. Suddenly finding her-self under the scrutiny of the collective entourage, Ravel sunk a bit into her seat and sheepishly mouthed a 'sorry'.

Akeno took a quick glance at the board, smiled slyly, and moved one of her pieces. Miss Phoenix's jaw slacked a bit, before grinding her teeth in frustration.

Turning away from the fuming noble, Akeno returned to her earlier examination – specifically her King and Master. Both of them looked relieved, like the stress that'd been built up over the last year suddenly vanished. Rias wasn't even making a fuss over Asia's request, which could just as well have been the soft spot she held for Asia at work but _still_. That wasn't explaining the shared, content smile the two held. Or the tired look in their eyes.

Or Rias being spaced out most of the day

Or her master _skipping through the garden_ this morning

…Oh, who was she kidding? It was obvious what'd happened.

"Ara, ara," finger on her chin, mischief shinning in her eyes, Akeno asked with all the innocence in the world, "Did you two have sex last night?"

The ensuing flushed expressions and stuttered denials just made her smile grow. Ravel gave the two a puzzled look.

"They hadn't done it yet?" She looked back to Akeno for confirmation while moving a piece.

"He's been fairly busy~." Not to mention the whole 'could accidentally murder her with holy magic' part. That was a bit of a cock block.

"Mmm," she hummed, her interest in the matter already waned, shifting her full attention to the board. Akeno shrugged and gave one final look to the two, who'd taken to looking out the window at the ever fascinating darkness and _nothing_.

So adorable

Glancing over the board and moving one last piece, the lightning priestess gave a playful smile.

"Check mate~"

**Part 4**

Standing on the door steps of his former home, Issei wondered how he was going to handle meeting his parents.

It'd been over a year since he'd seen them, and everything looked exactly as he'd left it. He'd honestly been expecting some over-the-top, expensive housing to have consumed his home, given how free the Gremory seemed to be with their money, but no. Here it was the same little terrace he left when he'd gone to Hell to fight for Rias.

And he found that, with all the crazy he'd had to deal with recently, coming home to something normal was, well, nice.

"Are you alright, Issei-kun?" The Saint turned to Asia, who'd tailed him back home along with Ravel. Rias had been intending to return with them but after Kiba whispered something to her, she'd excused her-self with all her peerage but the ex-nun. She fidgeted under his gaze.

Was she as worried as he was?

"It has a simple charm to it, I suppose." Ravel seemed to be off in her own little world as she examined his home. Then she turned her attentions to Issei, "so are we going inside any time soon, master? I'm rather curious at how the meager live."

"Haah…" He chose not to comment on her choice of words, and instead turned back to the door. Steeling his nerves and taking one, long breath, the Saint took hold of the knob and twist.

"Welcome home, Issei-dono!" Said the griffin headed butler carrying a basket of laundry, walking in nothing but a pair of bright pink, fluffy robes.

"What."

**Part 5**

It'd been the next day that Issei Hyodo Gremory found him-self in class, face in his hands, and very much wishing he was still in Hell. If it wasn't the newly minted birdman butler happily cleaning around his home, and his parents apparently being okay with this, it was this nuisance sitting behind him. He may have gotten his teeth kicked in on a daily basis on the Gremory estate, but that was less painful than having to deal with…with…

"Will you _stop?_" Issei turned around to look at Raynare, who'd spent the past ten minutes loudly filing her nails.

"Hmm?" Raynare had her feet casually kicked up on the desk, easily balancing her chair on its back legs. She smirked at Issei, "Problem?"

The Saint groaned. This _routine_ had been going on since homeroom, and he knew snapping at her would just make the fallen angel find new and creative ways to annoy him. Worst, she'd been doing it without the teachers saying _anything about it_ and he wanted to know _why_.

He knew why the woman was here. Rias liked to move subtly, under the guise of a student; she said as much yesterday. And with how everyone was spontaneously listing off the number of times they'd completed schooling, it wasn't hard to figure out that the Crimson Tempest liked to keep her servants as high schoolers too.

"But why does she have to be in _my_ class?" Issei mumbled dis-heartedly. He wasn't against her attending their school. And he had to admit, she looked amazing in the school uniform. Strutting around in that very, very small skirt of hers and leaving a button or two off her blouse to give a teasing look at her lacy bra. But as good looking as the woman was, that didn't mean Issei wanted her nearby.

Since she'd, you know, killed him.

"Blame your-self or god. I'm leaning towards the former, personally." She'd naturally heard him, enhanced demon hearing in full effect. Then she went back to her nail filing.

It didn't help that he'd just gotten a text message, not minutes before class started, from Sirzechs revealing who his new pawn was. Raynare had been informed around the same time, and was now more or less aiming to make his school life a living hell. Or so he assumed.

Issei was going to murder that man.

"So, _master_," Raynare started mockingly as Issei turned around to try and enjoy what little study time there was left that period, and fail to ignore his new pawn, "what's our plan for the day~?"

"Don't call me that."

"B-but," Raynare pouted, feigning heart break and placing a hand on her considerable chest…and the gleaming trinket she stole from him, "master, how else am I supposed to greet one of your wondrous, magnificent, supreme amazing, spectacular, tremendous, ultimate-"

"Agggh, stop! Just-Just stop! Go make some contracts or something, you stupid angel!" He yelled at her, having lost what little patience he had left. Of all the people he had to be stuck in class with...

"But I already _have_ plenty contracts,"

Issei snorted, "Yeah, uh-huh."

"It's true," She stated, lifting her manicured hand to point in the vague direction of the classroom. "Everyone in here's got a contract with me."

The Saint blinked, and gave woman a look of disbelief. "N-No way, you couldn't have-"

"In fact," she continued, cutting him off, "I have a contract with over half the school."

"I, ah, I, what?"

"Isn't that right boys and girls~?" She called out to the other students, who'd been between actual studying and watching the spectacle unfolding near the windows. Some of them failed to acknowledge the woman; others rubbed their necks sheepishly and looked at Issei apologetically. A few nodded their heads with enthusiasm, and a sole girl gulped.

"See? And I've even got half the teachers under my thumb too." The fallen angel said, unfolding and re-crossing her legs. If Issei had possessed half a mind right now, he'd have been treated to the sight of a rather provocative black thong.

But he wasn't

The Saint was nearly foaming at the mouth.

"I-…_How?_" Was the only thing he got across amongst his mind numbed stuttering.

Raynare let the question hang in the air for a moment, soaking in just how flustered the Saint was over her success. Then, with a casual voice, said, "Oh, you know, just normal things. Deliveries, cooking...lap dances."

"L-lap dances!?" Issei's eyes shifted across the room, as if scanning for potential suspects

"That was a joke."

"R-really?" He asked, hopeful.

Raynare smirked, "Maybe."

"What do you mean he's not here!?"

As one the class turned their heads to the upper floors. While the others may not have heard it, Issei and Raynare could hear the distinctive sound of things _breaking. _The sounds continued down the senior hallway, down the stairs and eventually up to the nearest room.

Yank open, slam shut.

Yank open, slam shut.

Whoever it was was looking for someone, and with Issei, fairly experienced with crazy by this point, knew exactly what the whirlwind of destruction that was marching it's way down the hall was looking for.

Him.

Standing at the doorway was a fairly attractive young lady, brown hair pulled up into twin-tails and violet eyes her defining traits. She was wearing their school uniform, though she forwent the shoulder-cap and corset that went with it, and was wore a pair of worn down sneakers in place of their usual shoes.

She took one look around the classroom, laid her eyes on him and smiled.

So much for a peaceful-ish day.

"Issei Hyodo-kun!" She called out to him, smile brilliant, "I've come to make you my bride!"

"...Bride?" Well, _that_ was certainly new.

"Yes!" With a blazing look, she raised her hand into the air and clenched it, "And I won't stop until I've made you mine!" Said his newest, brightest head-ache.

At least she was cute.

**Life 2**

Two Ultimate's had sex and the castle is still standing. That's got to be a new record or something.

The scene with Ravel and Issei I thought was the best this chapter - it was written when I had more patience to work with. Which was little to begin with, sadly, as I'd already re-written the opening parts 3-4 times before settling on that as part 1. The entire chapter is just a test in endurance for me, when I'd thrown my hands up in despair trying to think of how to coordinate the damn characters/flow.

After the second part, I ran into trouble on the train scene and had to switch to Akeno for the first time. Akeno is admittedly fun to write for. Or at least, funner than Rias.

Part 4 was a rather cut short part that I kept in because why not.

People kept poking me with a stick and asking for Raynare. Here she is in all her sexy, skanky school girl uniform wearing glory. You're welcome.

I'll see you all whenever I can pump out a new chapter, which may or may not include Xenovia. Til next time fic reader.


	4. Life 3

Sooooo, I'll just go ahead and say that this chapter was insanely rushed. I don't really have the time to go through and read over every little detail/note I made, and the story suffers for it I know, but this is possibly the last time this year I'll have the time to work on and post this (my college is starting to head in the 'oh god work, work everywhere' part of the program) so I wanted to at least get this out. I'll possibly (most likely) have to go back in this chapter to fix somethings, but for now I'll leave this for everyone to enjoy.

note that through the chapter I mention 'two days', which I'd intended to keep one day but realized I'd already had them stay the night before. Herp a derp.

For reviews, lets seeee...

I had originally planned for that kind of scene to take place, the tender moment between Rias and Issei, but despite my best efforts I couldn't seem to create that kind of solid emotions between them at the time. And since I'm kinda sorta maybe aiming for this fic to be more than Issei romping through the girls I felt it was best to leave off since I couldn't make the emotional scene I wanted too.

This chapter holds a slightly better attempt than my previous ones, but it's still pretty lacking.

As for the lemons with Rias (or anyone for that matter), I'm thinking of putting them at the end of the chapters in a sort of 'extras' section. This has been something I've been trying to implement for awhile now, a means of putting in scenes that I can't seem to cover in the flow of the story. It's just I'm so pressed for time these days that I tend to leave out all the wonderful little scenes I have in my noggin and so I've yet to actually work on them/show off this feature. And at the rate I'm going, it's likely I'll end up shoving all the extra stuff into a chapter by it-self.

...annnddd this is all I'm answering. Everything else will just be shown/revealed/what have you as the fic moves on.

Though a thank you to the one reviewer who listed off the chars for potential peeraging. Had actually forgotten about some of those.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing I tell you. I iz paor.**

So then, let the story begin...

**LIFE 3**

**Part 1**

It wasn't long before lunch time rolled around, and Issei soon found himself being dragged up to the roof by the crazed woman who'd declared her intention to marry him. The girl said she wanted an 'authentic love romance experience', and had proceeded to scare off all unwanted interference (students) the moment they set foot on the top floor.

Sitting on a bench on the now cleared roof-top, noon day sun scorching over them; the Saint looked to the babbling air-head that'd abducted him. She was sitting next to Issei, one arm loosely around his and the other using chop sticks frantically shove her lunch box contents into her mouth. Issei took a single glance down at his own lunch box, a hastily tossed together meal that he didn't particularly plan to finish.

Looking to the woman clinging to him, and the way her eye's lit up at the sight of food, he sighed and handed it off to her. Slurps, crunches and some more…_questionable_ noises filled the air as she inhaled it, accompanied with the muffled babbling of the lunatic as she tried to explain her-self with a mouth full of food.

Truly, a year before this would have been an idea situation. Alone on the roof with a beautiful girl and sharing lunch with one another, with the girl madly in love (?) with him. But now that he'd become a demon, now that he was married with his own harem, and with how he could _feel_ the holy power coming off of her just made things _more_ complicated.

And some how this was going to be all _his_ fault, so his wife was going to murder him.

"Swallow before you talk," The woman froze in place, cheeks reminiscent of a stuffed chipmunk, "and start from the beginning. I haven't understood a word you've said."

She blinked, and after a moment swallowed her food, "Like I've been saying, I'm a half-dragon exorcist super sentai-."

"No, I mean," Issei cut her off and headed right for the root of the problem, "I don't even know _who you are_."

The girl blinked, frown replacing the smile she held just moments before, "Huh? It's me Ise, Irina."

A silence filled the area, and Issei's question was greeted with a confused tilt of the woman's head.

"Th-," he finally started, voice shaking, teeth gritted "There's no way! Iri was a guy!"

"I was not!" Irina (?) denied hotly, "Just because I was a _tom boy_ doesn't mean-"

"You speak of vile lies, woman!" Issei growled savagely. He didn't lose his temper with a lady, well, _ever_ but this was different! This was the one thing he wouldn't let slide even in the face of a beautiful woman! "Iri was my bro! We made a pact of manliness! Of heroism and justice! We swore on the bro-code!"

That they would someday become the very heroes they worshiped, defenders of the weak and slayers of the wicked. That no child would have to go to bed afraid and no adult fearful for their families lives. That the very existence of _evil_ would be eradicated by their hands!

The oath of men! Sworn in by the greatest victory poses and manliest of secret handshakes ever crafted!

"You're a _girl_! You could never be _him_!" He gave a final declaration, one of absolute certainty, to that which he saw as the imposter of his greatest friend.

"Uuuuugh!" Irina (?) roughed shoved him aside, lifting her-self off the seat and marching a few feet away from him. Turning on her heels, balled fists on her hips, she meet Issei's glare with one of her own. "Just sit there and watch!"

With a single, graceful move Irina (?) shot her hand into the air, shooting the other up to cross her arms into an 'X'. Then she pulled them down, and extended outwards, before bringing them back in as a traditional cross.

"Super Change! Oooooh!"

**Part 2**

"So let me get this straight," Rias said, leaning back into the couch and rubbing her temples, "Exorcists are not only prowling the campus, but _attending it as students_?"

It'd only been _two days_ since she returned, and the Crimson Tempest was already dealing with walking hazards to devil kind. The churches had a hand in everyone's region, sure. That was something to be expected. But those were spies, informants, fragile men whose lives were easily replaced. The Exorcists were different. They were the strong arms of the church militia, the enforcers of their justice. A raw Exorcist could kill an inexperienced devil, and an elder Exorcist could…well…

They were a threat.

Sitting across from Rias in her occult room were her co-rulers, Sona Sitri and Queen Tsubaki Shinra, with Akeno sitting next to the Ultimate her-self. Behind her couch were Kiba and Koneko, meant to confirm for Rias whatever situation had befallen her school was indeed true. It wasn't that she didn't trust Sona, they were friends, it was just this was quickly escalating to the point of disbelief and she needed something to serve as a sort of sanity anchor.

On the table were the pictures of two 'infiltrators', one a blue haired girl running in Gym class and the other a brown-haired girl rubbing her head in frustration while looking over her notes. They were both, as luck would have it, _beautiful_. Rias frowned.

"The first is Xenovia," Sona started, holding a clip board. Her Queen was doubling through a stack of notes on the two, which Rias believed would eventually be sent as a report to Hell. "Unlike her companion, she doesn't have a shard of Excalibur. She wields a completed blade," Shinra tossed another picture onto the table, one of Xenovia dressed in the standard combat gear of the church, holding a blue bladed broad sword. Rias's breath turned sharp when she saw the blade.

"D-durandal?" She exchanged a glanced with Akeno. The sword of Roland, one of _the_ four holy blades, was being wielded in their territory. Sona gave a solemn nod.

"Yes, and once more, she was raised by Griselda Quarta."

Well, that was certainly less of a shock than the first. Of course they'd only hand Durandal over to someone with significant training. Another photo was tossed onto the table, one of an assumed younger Xenovia weakly crawling away in tears from Griselda who loomed over her menacingly.

"Is it safe to assume she's the most threatening of the two?" Rias questioned. Sona and Tsubaki shared a _look_. Rias bit her lip. This wasn't going to end well.

"The others name is Irina Shidou," a photo of her consuming food in mass, empty plates stacked beside her, appeared as if by magic, "and while she doesn't wield a blade like Durandal, well…"

Taking a deep breath, Sona took a moment to collect her-self. Rias frowned and looked over her childhood friend. It was just minor vibrations, barely noticeable to even a Devil, but Rias could see it. Sitri was _shaking_.

Sona was scared. _Sona never got scared_.

"I'll be frank," she finally said, expression dire "Irina Shidou is the church Sekiryutei."

"P-pardon? I'm sorry, I think I misheard you. It almost sounded like you sa-"

"Irina Shidou," Sona said, stressing her words, stared directly into Rias eyes, "is the Sekiryutei."

Rias open and closed her mouth a few times, trying to process what she'd just been told. The Crimson Tempest looked back at her subordinates, and was awarded a grim nod from both her knight and Rook. Turning to look at Akeno once more, who shared a similar pale look to hers, the Crimson Tempest turned around in time to see another picture. One of Irina Shidou's hand and the faint green glow it possessed.

To others, it might have looked like a simple artifact or power. Rune magic was becoming more common in certain circles, and someone placing an empowering rune on them-selves wasn't out of the question. To Rias, heir of the Gremory family and privy to more secrets than she care to know, it was a distinct seal, elaborate rune design and a firm coloring.

There was no denying it. This girl held one of the Heavenly Dragons.

"There's more Rias," Sona continued, catching the Gremory's vague attention. Honestly, the more Sitri spoke the more the red head wished she'd just stayed in bed this morning with her newly broken in husband. "She's been looking for Issei-sama."

Rias snapped her eyes to Sona, "Excuse me?"

And as one, everyone but her retrieved a picture from their pockets, one of a smaller Issei sitting with a…boy? That was a boy right? They were playing with handhelds in oh her Maou why was there a Holy Sword there.

"It seems she knew him as a child." Sona stated, shrugging helplessly. As someone well versed in supernatural scenarios, in no small thanks to her own secret pleasure and hobby, Rias felt her head spin when it finally clicked what that meant.

Knew Issei as a child

Knew Issei

As a child

_A Childhood friend_

A holy soldier childhood friend who held one of the strongest sacred gears in the world, one that could challenge _god himself_ and held a sword shard of one of the greatest banes of demon exist, that returned after separating from childhood. And she was gorgeous!

She was the _very definition_ of 'main heroine'!

Irina Shidou had gone from a major threat to every imaginable nightmare Rias could conceive rolled into one pretty girl.

"I…I need to-why do you have one?!" Rias glared at Akeno who held her own copy of the picture.

"Irina was handing them out this morning!" She cheered, smiling, lacking any regret at having failed to inform her King of the picture hand out, "Isn't child Ise just ador~able?_"_

"_Akeno," _Rias hissed, temper flaring. There would be _words_ with her over the need to hold out information. Oh yes.

Sona quirked an eyebrow, "She didn't just hand out pictures; she'd been making posters and putting them up on the walls. We've had her take them down by now but…Not only that, she's been frequenting his home." The heir of Sitri leveled a look at her childhood friend. "She _really_ wants to meet him and, I quote, 'make him her bride.' "

Beat

"...Stalker," came the unprompted reply from Koneko. Kiba chose to simply scratch his cheek, not quite sure what to make of this situation.

Rias was usually a calm and collected woman. She could fence words with the best of men, kept her cool under the most stressful situations, be a dominating figure in demon politics if she cared. Yet she found her-self sitting here, leaning back and once more rubbing her temple.

"Kiba," Rias called for her knight's attention, voice stern. The bishounen gave her his undivided focus. "I don't care where he is or what he's doing," Rias's eyes narrowed dangerously, "bring Issei here. _Now_."

Before the man could move an inch, Ravel slammed the door open, and gave a frantic declaration of "We have a problem!"

**Part 3**

It was like a rising crescendo, arm's stretched, legs shifted, her body went through the forms. With every move she made, every step she took, Issei could feel something resonate within him. It was an understanding; one that slowly raised to the surface of his very _being_ as the girl before him switched poses like it was second nature.

And before Issei knew it, he had joined her.

"Infinite power flows in my body! Saint Gold~!"

"Ever lasting justice flows in my heart! Saint Silver~!"

Their stances were perfect. Even after ten years apart, their bodies moved as one. Every kick, every strike, every cross and every stretch, the two worked together as if they'd never been separated a day in their lives.

The routine ended with them back to back, arms straight, eyes locked on the imaginary enemy before them.

"Puuuah!" Irina announced her fake background explosion.

"Psssuaaah!" Issei followed her lead, the background explosion leaving his mouth distinctly different.

They pushed off one another, synchronizing twirling in place. A pair of arms shot out to meet below the belt, smacking into one another, before the two spun in the opposite direction and arms meeting above their heads. All while making verbal explosions around them.

And with a final spin, they did not meet with arms, but hands, in what was undoubtedly the single manliest handshake ever conceived by seven year old minds.

This time, the two did not shout background explosions. No, for the only explosions they felt in this one moment was in their _hearts_.

Clenching Irina's hand, the two sharing a strong grip, the Saint stared into the eyes of his lost friend for the first time.

"…It's good to see you again, Iri." Issei relented, feeling a goofy smile tug on his lips. Irina, being acknowledged, smiled radiantly. Letting go of his hand, the twin-tailed girl practically threw her-self into his arms.

"Ise!" She'd nearly thrown the man off his feet with her near _tackle_, arms wrapped around his neck. "I've missed you soooo much~!" Issei wrapped his arms around her, half to hug his fellow comrade of justice, half to keep the girl from swinging off his neck like she'd seemed intent to do.

It was only then that Issei finally registered just how _developed_ his childhood friend was.

"Oh Ise," Irina nuzzled her cheek into the nape of his neck, "now that I've finally found you we can be together and get married and have children and raise them in a nice house full of Christian love and, and!" The entire time she'd been pressing her nice and firm breasts against his chest, wiggling in his arms.

Any other time he'd be absolutely thrilled for such a beautiful girl declaring her need to be with him but, well, this was _Iri_. Iri was like a _brother to him_, even if she was a brother with a fairly nice bosom, and grew into some amazing curves, and…and…

Why Iri, why? Why couldn't you have just stayed a man!?

Lifting up her head and looking straight into his eyes, full of warmth and affection, Irina declared confidently "And I'll make you the happiest bride in the world!"

"Uhhh, Iri, about that…"

"Ddraig." A cool voice called out, and Irina froze in her tracks. Tilting his head to look behind her, Issei saw a new arrival standing on the roof entrance. Dressed in a form fitting black unitard and matching thigh-high boots, she wore a cloak over it as an extra layer.

She looked positively ridicules. Like a character out of an anime or something. "Oh look," Issei mumbled dryly, "my newest headache just showed up..."

She gave a passive look over the two. "You should have told her he's a devil."

[Hmm, I'd assumed she'd known Xenovia] Issei whipped his head around to try and catch whoever snuck up on him. His eye's circled around looking for the source of the voice. Eyes trailed down to the glow, green spot on Irina's hand. [Guess she was too busy being justice to notice]

Issei blinked, "Did your hand just talk?"

"Justice is _serious business_ Ddraig!" She exclaimed, completely oblivious to her lovers (?) confusion. A spark of fire lit in her eyes. "A hero must never rest in the face of evil!"

[Even when that evils holding you in his arms, partner?]

"...Did your hand just backtalk?"

"Honestly." The newly identified Xenovia sighed, taking a step forward and letting her-self fall off her perch. Landing casually on the tiled roof, she gave another look over the area. "No one else is here?" It was here that Issei had finally seen what she'd been carrying. A large, wrapped up object as big as she was. He could just barely see it but the thing was shaking. Was it alive?

[Partner scared them off before she snuggled up to the demon brat]

"Perfect." Xenovia's eyes narrowed at them, or rather, the Saint. "Issei Hyodo." She called for his attention.

"Y-yes?"

"You're existence is distracting my partner," she lifted the object off her back by its strap, bringing it in front of her. Taking hold of its clasp with the other, Xenovia clicked it open. "As such, you are a threat to the mission. I will be ending you here."

Then she tore off the wrapping.

**Part 4**

If a student had bothered to look outside their classrooms at the moment, they'd have been greeted with the sight of the occult research club and the student council running down the hallways. They were quite audibly sprinting through the school and up stairs towards their destination: the confrontation between Issei and the church's dogs.

When Ravel had rushed into the Occult room and practically screamed that the Issei had been dragged off by one of the churches exorcists, Rias had flipped her-self over the couch and was out the door before anyone could register what happened. When it'd finally clicked she was gone, the mass of supernatural gave chase and soon she practically had a stampede on her heels.

Rias was moving as fast as humanly possible up the stairs to the roof. She'd have moved faster, or even better, simply _fly_ to the roof. But she'd be doing so in the middle of the day, in a school full of innocents. Using flashy powers was like an unofficial invitation to the enemy that she didn't care for the masquerade held by the world's supernatural, and so they shouldn't either.

But honestly, that man of hers.

Not two days, _two days_, since they'd returned and he was already neck deep in another crisis. This time with a long lost half-dragon childhood friend turned holy soldier. Who was his stalker and hoped to turn him into her personal bride. No matter the cost she'd imagined.

Rias gritted her teeth. This was obviously all _his fault_. Yes. This was absolutely, 120% his fault. He was going to get an earful after she'd tossed the little tart over the side of the school roof.

Reaching the top of the stairs, and in bound towards the roof's entrance. Grabbing hold of the knob and flinging the door open, the Crimson Tempest ran out yelling "_Issei!_"

**Part 5**

Now gleaming in the midday sun was a blue sword with yellow edges…and it was shaking rather violently. Xenovia bent her knees, and made to bring the sword over to her side. But when the woman had tried to pull the sword into position, it didn't budge. All the sword did was shaking in place. The swordswoman gave the blade a curious expression.

During this time Irina had detached her-self from Issei and was standing in front of him protectively, "Stop it Xenovia!"

Xenovia spared a glance to Irina while giving the sword another tug and blade held its ground. Turning her focus back to the sword, she started increasing the strength behind her pulls. It reached the point where the blue haired girl had dug her heels into the tiles and was pulling at it with both hands, yet the blade refused to do little more than shake.

Issei glanced away from the sight of the exorcist desperately trying to get her blade to follow her command. Irina gave him a shrug when he looked to her for answers. "Wanna go back to eating?" She asked innocently, the tension of the situation lost.

"I will…the mission!..." Issei sent a pitting look over to the blue haired girl. She really was trying her best to get that thing to move. It was comical watching her trying to pry the thing from its position, but at this rate she was going to end up pulling something. Giving Irina an apologetic smile, he broke off from her and walked towards Xenovia.

"Hey, do you need some-oh." The moment he closed in, the sword budged from its position. Xenovia, frustrated as she was with her sword's stubbornness, gave a relieved sigh. Then she turned to Issei with a smirk. Lifting the sword up, slowly, she leveled the blade in front of her.

"Now, I shall lay god's judg-wha!?" Xenovia felt her-self jerk forward, than jerked again. She looked around frantically for the source, before laying eyes on the very blade in her hands. "It-it can't be-" Another jerk forward. Then it moved a bit to the left, then right. Almost like it was pointing at something

…or someone.

Xenovia looked up to find her sword pointed at the Devil's Saint. He moved a little to the left, it followed. He took a step back, it jerked. With each move the sword was getting increasingly strong with its pull, to the point where Xenovia had to grab hold of it's handle with both hands and once more grit her heels into the floor. She was just _barely_ keeping the thing from flying right at him.

"Durandal! D-durandal!"Xenovia called out, hoping in vain to get back control over her sword. "H-h-heel! Heel boy!"

" 'Heel?' " Issei asked dryly.

"Silence! I will not tolerate-"

"Issei!" Barreling through the entrance to the roof was the Crimson Tempest. His wife was red face, breathing hard and looking all around agitated.

He was a dead man.

The surprise startled Xenovia and her grip slipped on Durandal's handle. Free of restriction, the sword almost had a malicious glint to it. The sword darted through the air, becoming a blue and golden blur. It passed the distance in an instant, aiming right for-

"_ISSEI!_"

**Part 6**

"I think its trying to hump your leg, Ise."

The Saint looked down at the lodged blade, flat side awkwardly attached to his thigh. It was wiggling in place, pleased with itself. It kinda sorta reminded Issei of an overly eager dog wagging its tail.

He was standing to the side of the Occult room with Irina, who'd spent the past half hour trying to pry the sword from his leg. When it was apparent that the blade would not move, she gave him a helpless shrug. On his other side was Ravel, who took a keen interest in the blade's makeup and had been trying to examine it since the moment they got to the room.

"Ravel," Issei called the girls name for the umpteenth time, "you're getting too close again."

"It's fine."

"It's not fine," Ravel proceeded to give the most adorable pout.

"I'm an immortal phoenix. It's fine."

"I don't care," Issei moved him-self away from the bird girl, who huffed. "You're not a Saint. Getting nicked by this thing is going to hurt you."

"It'll be fine~"

Issei leveled a look at the bishop. She bit her lip and clasped her hands together as if to beg. "_Please_, master? I only wish to inspect this holy blade so that I may gather insight on one of our enemy's greatest tools. And I'd hoped…" She let it hang a moment, before delivering the biggest puppy dog eyes he'd seen in his life, followed by lip quivering "…hoped to make you _proud_ by doing so."

Issei leveled a look at her _harder_.

"…Tch. Fine. Spoiled sport." Ravel dropped her act, waving off her King. "I'll let it go." She narrowed her eyes, "For now."

The rest of the room had filled with bodies. On one of the couches sat the student council president and her queen, with Koneko and Kiba standing behind them. By her-self on the other couch was Xenovia, sipping a warm cup of tea. At her desk was the Tempest King, her queen standing beside her at the ready.

"While I'd been hoping to avoid…interacting…with the demons of this area," Xenovia lifted her cup to Issei's general direction, "I'd never expected something like this to happen. You said he was a 'Saint?' "

"Yes," Rias had her hands clasped on the desk, her back straight. She met the exorcist's stoic expression with a cool stare. The biggest threat this girl possessed, her greatest tool, was currently attached to her Husband's limb. If she'd been alone, Rias could have said with confidence that this woman posed no threat at all…but she wasn't. Rias caught another glimpse of the dragon-bearer out of the corner of her eye, who was all too happy to chat it up with Issei while her partner handled the business. "Issei is a holy demon. The light does not bother him."

"Hmm," Xenovia contemplated, or at least sounded as such. She hadn't let her expression slip since they'd started moving Issei back to the Occult room. It was a pretty good poker face, honestly.

"Aha?" Irina perked up, giving her attention back to the discussion "So does that make Ise a good guy?"

"A…good guy?" Sona asked from her seat, honestly confused.

"You know," Irina answered, "a good guy, like a super hero." She then gave Sona a look that practically said 'it's just common sense'.

Rias coughed, hoping to get everyone's attention. "That's not important."

"It's totally important!" Irina yelled, eye's burning, "I won't be able to marry him if he's not a good guy!"

"Ahh, Iri, about that-"

"You wouldn't be able to marry him regardless." And before Irina could get another word out of her mouth, Rias dropped the bomb on her, "He's already taken."

"Eh?" Irina looked between Rias and Issei, her face slowly falling into panic and despair, "Eh, eh?"

And then Rias smiled. It was a devilish smile. One that was entirely too sweet, backed by a hidden cruelty, and carrying a hint of victory. Reaching into her skirts pocket, the devil pulled a piece of jewelry out and lifted it up into the air triumphantly.

It was a ring, lovingly crafted silver with a finely encrusted ruby at its tip.

Slipping it onto her ring finger, Rias terrible smile only grew, approaching maniacal. Holding her hand up to show her proof of marriage, and in a way ownership, Rias placed her other hand on her cheek reminisce of her Queen's habit. "I guess you've spent all your time here for nothing~." She nigh sing-songed.

"I-I…" Irina just sort of stared in disbelief, before looking over to Issei. He'd pulled out his own ring, an exact copy, and slipped it onto his own finger.

"Aha, sorry Iri," He scratched his cheek sheepishly, "I was going to tell you but, well, Xenovia showed up and…"

When the revelation finally clicked, she'd felt tears well up in her eyes. "I-I, Issssseeeee…." She wailed mournfully. Clinging to the Saint, the half-dragon practically clawed at his chest. "That's not fair Issssseee," a few tears slipped down, "you were supposed to be my briiidddeeee~."

All the Saint could do was sigh and pat the crying girl on the head. His efforts were rewarded with sob filled hiccups and a wet shirt.

"Ara, ara Irina-chan." Akeno started up. The moment she spoke, Issei froze. "It's not 'bride'."

"Huh?" Irina turned just enough to look at the Queen "Its not?"

"No, sweetie," Akeno gave her own, genuine smile. The kind of smile she gave when she was about to pull something. "It's 'waifu'." As one, the husband and wife made a choking noise. The rest were left with questionable quirks of the brow or general confusion.

"W-waifu?" Irina sniffled, "W-waifu…" she rolled foreign word on her tongue, giving it a few repeats, each one stronger than the last.

"Mhmm!" Akeno placed a hand on her cheek, another sign of mischief. Issei sent the priestess a glare in hopes she'd lay off. She completely ignored it, "It's like a bride but better. And you can even have them while married."

"R-really?!"

"Oi, oi oi, Senpai! Can it! Quit corrupting her!" It'd finally occurred to Issei _exactly _what she was trying to do, and he'd have none of that! Not with his best friend!

"Yes!" Akeno gave it the final push, ignoring her masters warning, "Isn't it great, Irina-chan? Now all you need to do is become his-"

"Isssseeeeee~ Issssssseeeeeee~" Irina droned, her tone significantly happier than before. She'd clawed her way up his chest, her teary face right up next to his. Their noses were practically touching, and her eye's glittered with hope, "be my waiiiifffuuuu~"

Beat.

"Well," Akeno broke through the silence, slightly miffed, "I suppose that works too."

"_Akeno,_" Rias did not hiss or growl at her subordinate and friend. No, she merely applied a healthy dose of a free palm to her face. Sona was quick to follow her friend into the palming, with Kiba on their heels. Xenovia, entirely too used to her partners antics for her own good, simply sat and drank her tea in peace.

**Part 7**

The night had been beautiful, a starry sky accompanied with the pale light of the moon. The temperature outside had felt good, and the breeze, while a bit chilled, nice.

It was something Issei would have liked to share with his wife, sitting out on the terrace, holding her close. It wasn't often that he got to spend time with her, and he'd been looking forward to enjoying to an evening with just the two of them.

But instead, he'd managed to get a holy sword stuck to him like a super charged magnet, and a wife standing across from him with a tearful expression.

She was wearing night lingerie, frilled and colored with a lovely white. While it covered her breasts, it became more transparent as it went down, splitting to reveal her abdomen. To cover her lower modesty, Rias wore a matching pair of frilled panties. She was eying him, arms crossed underneath and subtly lifting up her bountiful chest. It was the same little piece she wore on their first night together, and the Crimson Tempest had admitted to taking a liking to the piece of sleepwear. Issei absolutely loved it.

He'd love nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and carry her off to bed, but…

The Saint rubbed the back of his head, "Yes?" He finally inquired, hoping to get to the point. His teary wife continued to eye him in silence, half mournful, half agitated.

"I-it's…" Rias mouth quivered as she tried to work her sentence, voice shaky. "It's not fair."

"Oh come on Rias-"

"It's not fair!" The Crimson Tempest pointed a finger at her husband, "That thing!" as if on que, Durandal happily wiggled behind him. It'd taken some time after the meeting to adjust the thing, but they'd managed to make carrying it around more comfortable. "It's getting in our way!"

It'd taken, through the combined herding skills of Sona and Kiba to keep everyone behaved, a few hours to deal with the meeting. Mostly on how to handle the exorcists' sudden lack of epic holy sword and how that was going to affect their mission, which was to his dismay about re-obtaining other stolen holy swords.

Issei had by that point of the meeting heroically offered to take one of the team and sit this crisis out on the account that his sudden super attraction with holy sword could turn him into a holy pincushion. Rias whole-heartedly agreed. He wouldn't be allowed to go to school, of course, even if the majority of its body were contractors now he was still carrying a very much sharp blade to his back. If it wasn't the danger involved it was the fact that he now couldn't sit in a class chair because of the thing.

Asia had been informed at first convenience, and while she wasn't happy about it, or being left out of the meeting for that matter, she understood the situation.

So after an evening of dealing with the sword, and his peerage, and the exorcists, Issei now found himself confronted with his distraught wife when he went upstairs to check on the girls.

"I know Rias, I know." Issei would very much like to be comforting Rias, but even she, an Ultimate, was at risk with the sword on his back.

"Two days, Issei! I've had you for two days!" Rias voice was quite shaky, as the Crimson Tempest balled her other hand into a fist. "I've been waiting all year for this and-"

"_I know_," Issei cut her off, stressing his words "…I have too."

Rias sniffled, cheeks stained with a few tears. She looked away from him with a 'hmph', apparently uncaring for her husband's response. If he had to make an assumption, she was here to try and vent some frustration over…well, everything. It was entirely too childish for his sweet and mature wife, issei would admit. He'd also admit that his wife had been forced through a stressful year and a half. If it wasn't a group of fallen attacking her lands, it was Raiser starting up his mess. Then there was Issei's 'ascension' to being a Devil's Saint and what followed after that…

Two days ago, after a little over a year of marriage, Issei Hyodo Gremory got to hold his wife for the first time.

No 'breaks', no 'classes', nothing as some kind of filter that let them see one another…but never connect.

Now that they were in the human world, living together without any hindrance from demon society or him having to spend all day training or dealing with her crazed brother or just everything about the supernatural world that seemed hell bent on keeping the two of them together, this was supposed to be _their_ time.

And now he had a holy sword magnetized to his back and had to keep his wife at arms length.

Again.

And it was so god damned _frustrating_.

"Hey, Rias," He started softly, reaching for the huffing red head. He'd, in the past year, whether it be due to natural causes or supernatural phenomena, had experienced a bit of a growth spurt despite his lack of nutrition. So when he took hold of his wife's chin and gently guided her face to his, he'd had to tilt it up a bit to reach his. "Look at me."

She was reluctant at first, eyes watery, probably feeling a bit shameful for her actions, but with some coaxing Issei was awarded with the sight of his wife's beautiful emerald eyes. They sparkled in a way he'd never seen before, anxiety, disappointment…hope.

Then he kissed her.

It was the only thing he could think of. She couldn't touch him like she wanted too, potential death looming over her and all. But if he was careful, he could touch _her_, and that was something he wanted to express. Standing on the second floor, pale light shinning through the window on the couple, Issei shared a treasured kiss with the woman he cared for more than anyone else in the world. Rias was more than happy to return his gesture with fervor.

"Mmm~" She hummed appreciatively. Rias had placed two hands on his chest, clutching his shirt as she eagerly plunged her tongue as far into her husband's mouth as possible. Issei had almost broken off at that, but decided touching his front was fine. The sword was on his back, after all.

That was his rationalization for wanting to continue the really, _really_ good kiss he was sharing with her.

So when he finally did pull away, the mournful mewl his wife released was a fine expression of how they both felt. Rias looked up at her husband with a dreamy face and softly called his name. Issei reached up to brush away a few strands of hair before placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I promise," Issei started, smiling affectionately, "I'll make this up to you." It wasn't really his fault, per say, he was just as much a victim as she was. But the Saint was a man _damnet_. He was going to make his wife smile again.

"…Okay." She acknowledged meekly, lacking the energy and fury she had earlier. Giving him a final, longing look the demoness broke off from her husband and shuffled her way back to her door. Pleased that he'd managed to calm Rias down, Issei had turned to make his way back down to the living room. He was, err, forced to sleep downstairs In the large room with the demon butler who slept on the couch. It make for an..._interesting_...experience.

"Oh, and Issei?" The Saint turned back to see what his wife needed, and felt his jaw slack a bit.

Standing at the door to the girls shared room, one hand on the knob, the Crimson tempest gave him a heavy-lidded look over her shoulder. Her emerald eye's narrowed into smoldering gaze and her lips pulled into a sultry smirk. The demoness's free hand traced itself up her body, starting at her flared hips, making way up her lingerie-accented curves and finishing at her lips. She gave her fingers a teasing lick. "When this is over…" Her voice, once cracked from her tearful display, had dropped into a smoky purr.

"I'll be sure to squeeze you dry, okay~?"

To his credit, Issei had tried to say something to his wife, something cool and manly to answer Rias's womanly charms. What actually happened was that the flabbergasted Saint could only flap his lips. Rias let out a sweet laugh at her husband's expression and gave him a final, amorous look. "Good night, my darling Ise." And then with a gentle pull of the knob, she'd slipped the door open and sauntered into the room. The way Rias rolled her hips as she went probably wasn't needed.

But was most definitely _appreciated_.

**LIFE 3**

I have no beta and I must scream.

Seriously, these things are so full with grammatical and spelling errors that I just can't seem to catch, and other online checkers can't seem to catch, that I really need someone whose willing to look over these things. So if anyone's willing to be a good sport and help with the editing (or could push me in the right direction to getting a beta) I'd appreciate it if you could send me a PM.

So how bout dem waifus.

This scene with Rias and Issei, close to what I originally wanted with the last chapter but not quite hitting the right note. It's certainly a leap in ability for me, and was fun to write. Also let me give Issei and Rias some much needed interaction (we all remember this is a IsseixRias fic right?)

I'm being so mean to Xenovia. First she gets a partner whose utterly obsessed with some devil and JUSHTISH and now she's lost her sword. Poor baby. But things will look up for her eventually. Maybe. Possibly.

Ravel's interest in the holy sword stems from my vague memory on the ares demon her family is based off of, and them being connected to science or something (if I had more time, I'd go into a more in depth examination). So her interest in the sword is entirely academic. And not because it was nearly strapped to Issei's bottom at the time. Noooo, sir.

Oh look, Koneko got to speak for the first time. Atta girl. Maybe someday we can get you some real dialogue and action in the story.

Sona and her Queen pay a visit too, though the poor queen doesn't seem to get many lines (or none at all, I forget). Hopefully we can change that at some point.

Why yes, Akeno _is_ aware of your waifus! She knows al~l about them.

...And that's about it. Til next time fic reader.


End file.
